


Black and Blue Heart

by novocaine_sea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It gets better I promise, M/M, PTSD, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, background kurodai - Freeform, gotta go through the angst to get to the happy, it's not going to be like this the whole time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 22:26:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8075209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novocaine_sea/pseuds/novocaine_sea
Summary: Sugawara Koushi has been in an abusive relationship for the past three years and when he has finally had enough, he flees after a particularly bad night. He does not know that on this night he is going to meet the man that is going to heal his black and blue heart.





	1. a departure

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, if you follow me on [tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/) you know that I currently have an ongoing UshiSuga drabble series via request. And somebody requested that Suga have an abusive past. And I am here to bring you that abusive past and how everything comes together.  
> And if you don't follow me on tumblr and are here for an UshiSuga story, welcome! I hope I can provide you with something angsty and something sweet as well.  
> Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoy this story! I'm very excited to be working on it. Updates will be erratic because college is a thing but I'm really into this right now so I won't be giving up on it!

He waited. He waited a long time for the inevitable, for what he knew would happen once that door opened. The door opened to a world of pain, to yells and shouts and broken glass and rope burns and rough sex. It opened to bruises and scrapes and gashes and restless nights. It opened to tears and nights spent curled up on the couch wondering desperately what he had done to deserve this world that he just could not escape from. He tried to crawl his way out but got stuck along the way, scared to open his voice to cry out for help.

He was completely helpless now, at the mercy of the person who was supposed to protect and love him.

Sugawara Koushi had once been a bright young man. He got good grades, never stayed out too late, was always kind to everybody whose path crossed his and respected those who were older than him. He was truly on the path to success and that success led him through college. He went out a lot during these years but always maintained excellent test scores, never letting a party get in his way of studying. He knew how to manage his personal life and his school work and he did a pretty damn well job.

And then he met Daishou Suguru.

Suga had never been attracted to somebody so quickly. The moment he met the boy he was taken, always curious as to his secretive nature. He continued to pry and pry until Daishou relented, allowing him in. And Suga liked what he saw at first. He was very sweet, always the gentleman, holding doors open for him, helping him with his studies, kissing him lovingly. Suga was so enraptured by Daishou.

After graduation they moved in together. For the first couple of months it was fine, Daishou was still the loving man he had been when they started dating in their junior year of university. Suga would never have guessed that the façade would crack so poorly and expose something so ugly underneath that it had him gasping for air and clawing at the sheets, desperate to get away. But he was stuck.

Moving in with Daishou turned out to be the biggest mistake of Suga’s life.

Suga can still remember the first slap that had been struck on him. It was to the cheek. He had never seen that particular look in Daishou’s eyes but it chilled his blood, drained the color from his body, made him melt into nothing. He felt so small after that strike to the face. The worst part was how both Suga _and_ Daishou looked surprised by the slap. But then Daishou’s face had contorted to shock from one of pure delight. The fright that Suga felt from that day had never truly disappeared, always there, watching, lurking and waiting.

It only got worse from there. Anything could set Daishou off. Eventually, Suga quit his job because of the voice in his ear telling him what to do. He lost all of his friends one by one, losing contact or just dropping them out of the blue. He hung on to Daichi for the longest but eventually, he left Daichi too. That was per Daishou’s request. He saw Daichi as a threat and therefore he had to go. So Suga had no job, no friends, nowhere to go. He was stuck in their apartment, in between four solid walls, with nobody searching for him and nobody to turn to.

Suga withdrew from the relationship mentally. He was in it physically; he was next to Daishou, lying that he loved him, holding his hand, kissing him, having sex with him. But in his head he was slowly dying, slowly praying and crying and hoping that he could get out. He was afraid of this once kind man. Now he feared the punishments he would be given if he didn’t comply to Daishou’s every whim and wish.

That particular night, the night to end all nights, Daishou came home from work in a rage. Suga heard the door slam and immediately tensed up from the bedroom. He was reading a book, his cell phone charging on the nightstand. He knew that if he didn’t go great Daishou that he would probably have an even worse night than he would probably already be having. So he folded down the corner of his book and slowly padded into the living room.

He wanted to stop walking, to turn back and hide when he saw the look in Daishou’s eyes. It was completely animalistic but it was a familiar look. Suga wished it wasn’t. He stepped closer and placed a hand on Daishou’s shoulder, trying to keep his voice steady. “S-Suguru?” He stuttered out. He was sure the fear could be heard in his voice.

Daishou glared at him and grabbed at his wrist roughly, “Have you been here all day?”

Suga blinked, “W-What?”

Daishou’s grip tightened and Suga winced, trying to tug out of Daishou’s grip. “I said, have you been here all day?”

“Suguru that hurts.” Suga said, trying desperately to pull out of his tight grip.

Daishou raised his hand and slapped Suga on the cheek. Suga hissed in pain and tasted blood in his mouth, licking across his teeth to get rid of it. “Answer me when I ask you something you fucking idiot.”

Suga sniffed and started trembling, “I-I went to the s-store to get groceries and th-then I came right back I swear.”

Daishou scoffed, “Do you think I’m stupid? I monitor our expenses Suga, you can’t spend that much in a grocery store.”

“W-Well I bought two weeks worth of f-food so I wouldn’t have to go again.”

“So you spent more money because you’re lazy.” Daishou laughed bitterly and stared at him with narrow eyes. Suga couldn’t even force a smile; it was clear that he was scared and didn’t want to be there but he had nowhere to run. He was stuck there.

“I’m not…” Suga’s voice trailed off when Daishou grabbed his other arm roughly.

“You’re not allowed to spend any more money for the rest of the month, you here? You got greedy so I’m going to teach you a lesson.”

“But the groceries-“

“I’ll fucking do it!” Daishou raised his voice and it echoed against the walls, Suga flinching at the sound. Daishou shoved him back and he lost his foot, landing flat on his ass in front of him. Daishou made an annoyed sound and shook his head, “You’re pathetic. Can’t even handle a little push. Get up.”

Suga bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t cry and carefully stood up. Daishou’s hands were on him again, dragging him to the bedroom. There he was thrown onto the bed and stripped of his clothes. He didn’t put up a fight, just took the “punishment” as Daishou deemed it. It was more of a personal hell than anything. As Daishou held him down and rocked into him roughly he cried, more for himself than anything else. Daishou didn’t care; this was normal for them, Suga crying through the sex.

Daishou left all sorts of bruises on Suga during this, all over his arms, legs, and neck. They weren’t hickies, just a rough handling of him. Suga was numb to it all, having dealt with this for the past year or so now. He wanted to escape; tonight was the breaking point. Daishou had never put his hands around his neck before but tonight but he had. He cut off all of Suga’s air during sex and choked him until Suga had to claw at his arm.

That just resulted in more bruises.

Once Daishou was finished he pulled off of him to stumble into the bathroom. Suga curled in on himself and trembled, not daring to cry anymore. He hurt all over and wanted to call somebody but who was there to call? He had no more friends, all of them gone into the wind. He couldn’t call the police because that would be too obvious and make Daishou even madder than he already was. He was truly alone in the world, just a little speck with nothing around him.

“Do we have any beer?” Daishou asked when he came out of the bathroom. He was fully clothed and looked as if he _hadn’t_ just raped his boyfriend.

“N-No.” Suga responded quietly.

Daishou huffed and stomped around. Suga was afraid he was going to hit him again and raised his arms to defend himself. However, Daishou just snatched his wallet from the bedside table. “I’m gonna go out and get some. You better not fucking move I’m not done with you.”

Suga closed his eyes and held his breath as he heard Daishou leave. He stayed curled into a ball for another minute or so before sitting up. His whole body was on fire, his backside particularly burning. Daishou had really done a number on him. He looked at his arms and legs and saw new bruises fade into old ones. He choked down a sob and swallowed bile, resisting the urge to regurgitate any of Daishou’s saliva he had swallowed when he stuck his tongue down his throat.

Suga stood up on shaking legs and slowly pulled his clothes on. He doesn’t know what possessed him to finally up and leave but he knew that he had to get out of there. Once Daishou had put his hands around his throat he knew that he wouldn’t stop there. Suga was truly afraid that Daishou was going to kill him.

And he had to get out of there before that was a choice.

He trembled as he opened drawers, shoving clothes into his old school backpack. He grabbed his phone and his charger and the book that he had been reading and included those as well. He checked his wallet, having a little bit of cash on him. He could go to an ATM and take more out. There was a bank down the street and it wouldn’t look inconspicuous if he went to go take out some cash.

Suga slung the bag over his shoulder and hastily pulled shoes on. Daishou could return at any minute, the store not being very far from their apartment building. He opened the door and locked it behind him so Daishou wouldn’t be suspect immediately. He took the back entrance, knowing Daishou would take the front so he could avoid him if possible.

Suga stuck to the side of the street that wasn’t lit up by lamp posts. He got the money from the ATM, which took longer than he would have hoped since he was shaking so profusely. He kept looking over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure Daishou wouldn’t sneak up on him.

And then he walked. He walked and walked and walked like it was a hike until he came upon a long stay hotel. It was like seeing the Holy Grail. He jogged up the front walkway and pushed open the door. This felt like freedom. But he knew Daishou would find him eventually. Suga looked around the lobby for a moment before walking up to the front desk.

“H-Hello.” He said softly, reaching for his wallet in his back pocket.

The receptionist looked up and smiled at him. The receptionist looked a little bit younger than he was an appeared to be working on some school work at the desk. He had long, greenish black hair that was tied back into a small ponytail and freckles sprinkled about his nose. His name tag read YAMAGUCHI in big letters. He looked friendly enough.

“Good evening! How can I help you?” Yamaguchi asked, his eyes glancing over him. Suga had put on a heavy sweatshirt but he knew that didn’t hide the bruises on his neck. The bruises were shaped like fingers. “Are you okay? Do you need me to call somebody?”

Suga opened his mouth and took a deep breath, “May I-I have a room please?” His voice sounded rough, most likely from being choked.

“Of course! But really, do you need help? Those bruises-“

“I really would just like a room.” Suga said quickly, pulling out a wad of bills, “I’ll pay whatever, just please I really need a room.”

Yamaguchi nodded quickly and put his room in the system, handing him the key to room 202, “I’m not supposed to do this, but you can have the room for free. You look like you really need it.”

Suga shook his head, “No, you don’t have to do that, really-“

“It’s my good deed of the day. Or of the week, Or for however long you stay. Please, take the room and enjoy it.” Yamaguchi nodded and turned back to his school work before Suga could say another word. He pressed the key to his chest and hurried towards the elevator, seemingly forgetting that there were actually nice people in the world. Suga forget what a nice person acted like, having lived with the epitome of evil for the past year or so.

Suga reached his room and found himself shaking again as he tried to slide the key into the door. It wouldn’t work no matter what he tried, mostly because his hand was trembling so much. He was starting to panic. Daishou would probably come looking for him. Would he check here? Would he call the police? If he called the police than the police would see all the bruises on Suga’s body and Daishou would be caught. But he _was_ the master of manipulation so Daishou would be able to cover for himself on Suga’s behalf.

“Excuse me?” A deep voice sounded from behind him and Suga almost jumped out of his skin. He turned to look wide eyed at the man before him. The man was tall, very tall, much taller than Suga could ever dream to be, and had a broad chest and shoulders. Just looking at him Suga could tell that he could probably break him in half if he really wanted to or tried. He had olive colored hair with eyes to match and he was looking at Suga with curiosity. There was no malice in his eyes, something Suga wasn’t used to from a man of his size. Daishou was taller than him and always looked at him as if he were a meal.

“U-Um…” Suga said, backing up against the door slightly.

“You are in front of my room. Are you okay?” The man asked slowly. His eyes fell from Suga’s face to his neck but didn’t question it.

Suga looked up at the door number and now saw that it said 212 and not 202. “O-Oh I’m very sorry I…” He looked down at the key in his quaking hand. He was trying to calm his breathing but this man was so big, so much bigger than Daishou and he was just _standing there_. He wasn’t even close to Suga but the way he looked at him so intently was nerve wracking.

“It’s alright.” The man said. “You look like you could use some water. Would you like to come in?”

Suga looked at him incredulously. Who offered a stranger to come in to their room unless they were going to kill him? But Suga had not had this much human contact outside of Daishou in a very long time and this man, although he was big and kind of scary looking, did not seem to have any ulterior motives.

“I, um…. Sure.” Suga said softly, moving out the way of the door. He was still shaking as the man came and unlocked the door. The room was already lit up and it was very neat inside, all the clothes packed away indicating his long stay. The man opened up the mini fridge in the room and pulled out a water bottle, handing it to Suga.

“Here you are.” He said softly and Suga took it, nodding.

“Thank you.”

“May I ask your name?”

Suga eyed him warily but he figured he was already in the room so there was no harm. “Sugawara Koushi, but I go by Suga.”

The man nodded, mouthing his name to himself to get used to it. “My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

Suga recognized the name from somewhere but couldn’t put a finger on it. “Nice to meet you.” Ushijima just nodded and didn’t offer a hand or anything, sensing Suga’s distress. They sat in a comfortable silence for a long while. Suga sipped his water and willed the trembling of his body to settle down.

Suga didn’t know it yet, but meeting Ushijima was going to be the greatest thing that had happened to him in a long time.


	2. nobody, not even the rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HAIKYUU DAY!!! AKA THE PREMIERE OF SEASON 3!!!! I'm awaiting anxiously, hopefully I don't miss my bus >

Ushijima Wakatoshi was a patient man, Suga noticed.

He never forced Suga to talk, even though they had been sitting in silence for quite some time now. He didn’t stare at Suga like he was some exhibit in a museum like some people would do when he went to the grocery or convenience store. Suga would always make sure his bruises were on display, hoping, praying that somebody would come up to him and ask him what was wrong and if he was okay. The thing was, nobody ever did and Suga was stuck in this personal hell of his, silently praying that somebody would come along and lift him from it.

Ushijima waited for Suga to talk to him, giving him the option to speak when he wanted. Suga just continued sipping at his water and waited until his heart was steady to speak. It had been a long time since he had defied Daishou like this; although, he had never gone to such extremes before. Suga had never left when Daishou told him to stay still. He wondered what Daishou was doing right now.

He wondered how bad his punishment would be if Daishou found him.

Suga sucked in a deep breath and shivered a little with that thought, eyes slipping closed. His heart was pounding again. He thought of all the horrible things Daishou had done to him; the ropes, the chains, the slaps, the rape, the scratches, the horrible words he would spew. Daishou tore down all his walls until there was no protection left, nothing to hold up any of the remaining self-love and self-confidence. It was all gone with a blow to the ribs or a slap to the face.

Suga did not realize he was shaking again until a deep voice brought him from his thoughts: “Are you alright?”

Suga jumped and opened his eyes wide to see Ushijima sitting across from him on the bed, leaning forward a bit towards Suga. He was not in Suga’s proximity by any means but Suga still felt a bit threatened and he tried to melt into the cushion of the couch. He fingers curled in his lap against his thighs and he chewed at his lip. He was clearly not alright. Suga couldn’t lie; he had been accustomed to not lying for a year. It was safer to tell the truth in his apartment because telling the truth meant that the slaps weren’t as hard and the punches wouldn’t knock the wind out of him or bring tears to his eyes.

Suga eyed Ushijima warily. He backed up a bit when he saw Suga move against the cushion of the chair. “I am sorry if I alarmed you.” Ushijima said in a reserved tone, leaning back a bit, “If there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know.”

“Why would you go so far for a stranger?” Suga blurted. It was the first time he had spoken in over a half hour and Ushijima seemed a bit stunned by the outburst. He collected himself and smoothed his hand over the comforter, picking at some lint attached to it.

“You have finger print shaped bruises around your neck.” Ushijima pointed out and Suga’s hand flew to his neck, covering them up self-consciously.  He had not looked in the mirror all night and new that the bruises would be growing darker and darker by the moment. Daishou had not gone easy on him and he could still feel his fingers at his throat, pressing, squeezing. He closed his eyes again.

“That cannot be safe,” Ushijima continued and the bed creaked under his weight as he shifted on the bed. Suga opened his eyes slightly to see Ushijima moving to get his phone that was sitting on the table by the windows.

“Please don’t.” Suga whispered and Ushijima turned to him.

“Do not what?” He tilted his head to the side.

“Don’t… call anybody. The police… they won’t believe me. I don’t…” Suga looked away, pulling his legs tighter to his chest. It felt tight. Daishou had always told him the police wouldn’t care or believe him if he went to them. Suga had never thought about it, thinking that it was better to just endure the abuse than getting others involved. Why was he talking to Ushijima about this? Why was he trusting a stranger with such personal information? What the hell was wrong with Suga? Daishou would find him and he would kill him, certainly-

“The police would believe you.” Ushijima interrupted his thoughts. “You have bruises on your neck and your wrist. That is enough evidence for them to go off of. I can direct them to an apartment or a house if-“

“ _No!_ ” Suga exclaimed, clutching at his own shirt. He was sweating now, the thoughts of the police and Daishou flooding his mind. Tears swam into his vision and he felt nauseous. No, no, no this couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t freak out. He was fine, he was away from Daishou, Daishou couldn’t hurt him now. He was safe. It would be safe to tell the police, to send them to their apartment and expose the man, tell them all that Daishou had done to his body. But he knew, he _knew_ he couldn’t. Not if he wanted to deal with the repercussions.

“Why have you not gone to the police before?”

Suga tried to laugh but he couldn’t remember how to. He had not laughed genuinely in months; if he could laugh, however, it would have come out bitter and fake. “Do you know how hard it is to leave or ask for help when you’re terrified of the person you’re trying to run from? It’s easier to stay than to try and leave and risk getting abused even further. I’ve never tried to run until now and… and I’m so _scared_ that he’s going to kill me. Would you want to live this life?”

Ushijima took in all his words and opened his mouth, not knowing how to respond. It was definitely a difficult situation, one that he had witnessed in his life time before and still did not know how to deal with. He did not want to have to relive the abuse he witnessed as a child, the one inflicted on his mother, but looking at the man almost in tears before him right now, he wanted to help.

“I… know of somebody who has dealt with this and I know how difficult it can be but asking for help is not always a bad thing.” Ushijima said softly.

Suga grit his teeth. Ushijima really didn’t get it. He didn’t know how absolutely terrifying Daishou was; how the kicked will all the ferocity in the world if something was out of place. Suga stood up and nodded, “Not everybody’s situation is the same. I-I’m sorry this was a mistake. Thank you for the water.” He was shaking now, thoughts flooding all over, anger permeating his body. He couldn’t breathe because nobody understood. There was evidence on his body but did Ushijima really believe? Was he like everybody else who blamed the victim? Suga did not buy for a second that he had somebody in his life who had experienced the same things he was going through.

“Wait.” Ushijima said, standing. It only propelled Suga further, reminded of the height difference between the two. Ushijima towered over him, more than Daishou, and it was frightening. He felt so small; he knew he had to get out there before things got any worse.

Suga fled to the door, pulling his key card from his pocket so he could immediately swipe into his room when he left. Suga threw open the door to Ushijma’s hotel room and almost collided with another tall figure, immediately jumping backwards. The keycard fell from his hand, barely making a noise on the carpet as it did so. Trembling, he looked up into the face of the mystery person, who was staring at him with wide eyes.

“Ah, who do we have here, Ushiwaka-chan?” The voice hummed in amusement. There was something mellifluous about it, light and airy. His tone was one of curiosity and belittling at the same time.

“Oikawa.” Ushijima said through clenched teeth.

_Oikawa…_ The name was awfully familiar. Suga did a once over of him quickly. Haughty looks, perfect, fluffy brown hair, chocolate brown eyes that were slightly unkind and held an air of arrogance. The name Oikawa sprung out at him and he recognized him from somewhere but _where?_

Suga thought and thought and squeezed his eyes shut, backing away slowly. And then it dawned on him. Oikawa Tooru. Ushijima Wakatoshi. They were members of Japan’s national volleyball team. Suga was currently in the hotel room of a professional athlete, somebody who was always in the public eye. Suga immediately panicked; had he been doing this for the publicity? Suga knew that celebrities had double standards, usually being kind to their fans in the outside world while inwardly they looked down upon them. All celebrities were the same.

Suga felt sick to his stomach as he remembered that these were the men that Daishou looked up to. Daishou was incredibly in to volleyball. If he found out that he was in the presence of these two stars what would happen to him? Would he beat him for not telling him? Suga pressed a hand to his lips and he eyed his key card, desperately wanting to slip away. He _needed_ to get away, the faces of these two athletes suddenly bringing disgusting memories to the surface. He could remember all the times he was gagged and slapped while the volleyball games played in the background, all the times jerseys were used as makeshift bondage as he was tied to the bedposts and tortured for hours.

“Oh no, let me get that for you.” Oikawa said sweetly, bending over to pick up the card. He handed it to Suga, “Wouldn’t want to bend over too much, since you’re probably sore.” Oikawa stepped back to seemingly admire Suga. “ _Damn_ Ushiwaka-chan, you really did a number on him. I didn’t know you were so kinky.” He winked at Suga, long lashes fanning across one

Suga caught on right away to what Oikawa was insinuating. He was implying that Suga had been in there to get fucked by Ushijima and that Ushijima was the one who had given him the horrible bruises on his neck and his body. Suga snatched the card from Oikawa’s hand, shoving past him, hands over his ears as he tried to subdue the voice in his head talking to him, whispering disgusting nonsense in his ear.

Suga could hear Ushijima’s voice growl out a disdained, “ _Oikawa_ ” once more as he steadied a hand on the wall, making his way down the hall to his hotel room. Daishou’s voice echoed through his thoughts, the words “ _slut”_ and “ _whore_ ” reiterated over and over again. He could practically feel the harsh thrusts of Daishou inside of him and strong fingers wrapping around his wrists, slamming him in to the mattress. Suga had to stop and rest a hand on the wall to steady himself, the hallway swaying slightly at the memories that flooded him. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, walking back to his bedroom.

He unlocked the door and slipped inside, paying no mind as to why the lights were on. He didn’t shut the door all the way and slumped on the wall, trying to catch his breath. He felt tears spring to his eyes as Oikawa’s implications replayed in his head, his whole body chilled from the coldness. Suga buried his face in his hands as tears started to overflow from his eyes. His hands were wet and he was shaking, short gasps of air emitted from his lips as he cried softly.

“Ah, Koushi, I was wondering when you’d finally show up.” The voice behind him made his blood run cold and the air left his lungs. He immediately stopped crying and parted his fingers that were covering his face, turning his head to the source of the voice. He didn’t know how he had gotten here, how he had known this was his _room_ but there was Daishou, sitting on the edge of the bed, hands behind his back propping him up. His expression made it seem as if he owned the place.

“S-Suguru.” Suga choked out, edging closer to the door.

A sinister smirk curled over Daishou’s lips as he stood up from the bed. Suga was rooted to the spot as Daishou slowly approached, “Did you really think you could escape that easily? Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

Suga really had thought he could get out that easily; he thought if he just seized the opportunity to run that it would lead him to the better part of the world. He wouldn’t have to hurt anymore. But, as always, Suga was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/)


	3. i see everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK. I AM SORRY I'VE KEPT Y'ALL WAITING!!! Without further ado, here it is~

Suga’s breath quickened as Daishou slowly approached, growing closer and closer with no sign of stopping until he was right in front of him. Suga could feel the puffs of breath coming from Daishou on his face and he wanted to move, to turn and run away but he was backed into the wall, literally and figuratively. Suga wanted nothing more than to escape but there was nowhere to go.

“H-How did you know where I was?” Suga asked quietly. His chest was tight and he was seeing spots in front of his eyes. He was close to a panic attack, a feeling very familiar to him, especially in the presence of the man in front of him.

Daishou let out a laugh, little droplets of spit landing on Suga’s face, “Oh, Suga darling, I know everything.”

Suga’s throat closed and tears burned behind his eyes. He closed his eyes, closing off his sight from the world, “Th-That’s not-”

“You never noticed your phone has a tracker on it, did you? I need to know where you are at all times.” Daishou was smiling sickeningly sweet, Suga could hear it in his voice. He caressed Suga’s chin like a lover would yet he was anything but. Suga wanted to retch but he was still frozen in place against the wall. “I was trying to prevent things like this from happening but I guess I didn’t do a good enough job. Do you have any suggestions for the future?”

Suga trembled, “But, I wasn’t…”

“The guy downstairs was really nice.,” Daishou continued, cutting Suga off. “I told him that we were running from your parents since they don’t believe in our relationship. I’ve been told I’m a very good actor.” Daishou’s lips peeled back into a terrifying grin as he swiped his thumb across Suga’s bottom lip.

Suga opened his eyes again and looked him in the eye, brown eyes meeting brown eyes,“Don’t touch me,” he whispered in a bout of confidence.

Daichi’s entire body went stiff at the words. “What did you just say?” Daishou grabbed Suga’s jaw roughly. Suga’s lips puffing out. The mood changed instantly with this. Pain shot through his jaw and he was afraid Daishou would snap it just with his bare hands, feeling his fingers rubbing against the bone through skin and muscle. He clawed at Daishou’s arm and his eyes welled with tears, threatening to spill over.

“Don’t. Touch. Me,” Suga spat through clenched teeth, saliva pooling between his teeth and spilling over his lips onto Daishou’s hand. Something in Daishou’s eyes flashed, maybe it was anger, maybe it was excitement, the thrill of getting to beat up Suga, but there was  _ something _ . The hand on his jaw disappeared to be replaced by a hard slap against his cheek, one that resounded through the room. Suga bit into his lip at that moment and he let out a loud yelp. His lip split, blood already ready to ooze out of the wound. Suga licked at it, smearing it, proving what Daishou had done to him.

“You don’t tell me what to do,” Daishou growled and his arm came up to press up hard against his throat. He cut off Suga’s air, leaving him gasping, hands once again scrambling against the fabric of Daishou’s shirt to get him off. Suga was very aware that he could die here tonight, in this dingy little hostel where he had just met a kind man down the hall and where his abuser had ultimately found him. He knew that he could never have anything nice in life because when he finally gets some solace, the ugly just creeps right back up again.

“Don’t you know I control you?” Daishou went on to ask menacingly, leaning in close, pressing harder on Suga’s throat. Suga sputtered and choked, globs of spit landing on Daishou’s arm. Tears did fall this time and he tried to scream but his voice was raw and cut off. He brought his fist down on the wall and started to bang, little pained mewls escaping Suga’s lips. Daishou’s eyes flicked down to the where he was pounding on the wall and he quickly flipped Suga over, twisting his arms behind his back and slamming Suga’s face into the wall. Suga grunted and groaned on contact, licking over his bleeding lip. He tried to grasp at air but his lungs were on fire and it seemed as if he couldn’t get enough in.

“Are you a fucking idiot?” Daishou sneered in his ear, pulling him back and slamming Suga into the wall again. “Somebody will  _ hear  _ you. We can’t have that now can we?”

“We can.” It wasn’t Suga who spoke, but a deep voice that came from the doorway. It was a deep voice that Suga had become acquainted with in the past hour, a voice he recognized instantly. His eyes widened in panic, not for himself but oddly enough for Daishou. Because his mind was running rampant about how Daishou was going to get caught and if he got caught that meant that he would get in trouble with the police and then he would take it out on Suga if he was released. Suga wasn’t safe, especially not now. Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes at the prospect of being beaten and bruised all over again.

Both realized too late that the door was wide open and Ushijima stood there stoically, a hard glint in his olive eyes. He wasn’t alone. Next to him stood Oikawa Tooru, the haughty smirk from earlier ripped off his face to be replaced with a threatening and dangerous grin. It was almost wild. And behind him was another man, another volleyball player, with messy black hair and a wicked grin. Suga couldn’t remember his name but knew somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind that it started with a K.

Suga was still pressed against the wall and his lip was still bleeding, trailing down his chin in a single line of dark red, almost like a fine wine but less rich and definitely not as good. It mixed with the salty tears making tracks on his cheeks out of fear. He felt Daishou’s grip on him leave and he collapsed to his knees, curling in on himself. Distantly he had half a mind to be embarrassed but all he can do is try to protect himself. 

Daishou gaped openly at the three men from the national volleyball team standing in front of him. These were his idols, the men that he looked up to and watched on TV. He wished he could have been beside them but he wasn’t skilled enough, not in high school, not in college. These were the big wigs, and he couldn’t believe they were standing in front of him.

But they had caught him when he had Suga slammed against the wall, twisting his arms behind his back while Suga bled. He was still bleeding. Daishou couldn’t run from this one.

But he could try. 

Daishou put on his best confident smile even though his heart hammered in his chest and looked at the three athletes, “You… You guys are on the volleyball team! What a small world!” Daishou laughed but it sounded forced. It was the same laugh he gave Suga when he was raping him. Suga flinched when he heard the scratchy sound, because Daishou’s laughs were anything but lovely. That and his smiles instilled the most fear in Suga.

Oikawa grinned and stepped into the room, maintaining eye contact with Daishou. Oikawa’s words from only a little while earlier rang out through Suga’s head and he choked on a sob.

“Are you a fan?” Oikawa practically purred, eyebrow cocked. 

Daishou’s laugh turned nervous, “A fan? I pretty much worship you guys.”

The man behind Oikawa, whose name was Kuroo, stepped into the room. “Wow, big words.”

Ushijima finally knelt down beside Suga, whose cheeks were tinted red, and went to touch him but Suga let out an involuntary cry. Ushijima decided it was best to not move him in any way. He didn’t want to cause a panic attack.

“You know,” Oikawa hummed and circled Daishou like he was prey, “we on the volleyball team don’t approve of people abusing their loved ones. Especially to the point where they’re bruised and bleeding” His eyes flicked down to Suga, who Ushijima was hovering over.

Daishou followed Oikawa’s gaze to his boyfriend curled up, half on the floor half on the ground. Daishou had to suppress the scowl that immediately crept on his face upon seeing Suga bleeding and crying. He hated when he cried; sometimes it was music to his ears but right now it was like nails on a chalkboard. Suga’s cries were only soft hiccups at the moment since he had gotten pretty good at covering them up. Cries only made Daishou hit harder.

“I didn’t  _ abuse  _ him...” Daishou’s voice gradually grew quieter until it fell off. 

Kuroo barked out a laugh, “Do you really think we’re going to believe that? He’s fucking bleeding dude, and he’s crying. He’s got ugly purple bruises on his neck in the shape of fingers! Like, damn!” Kuroo bent over Suga to get a better look at the aforementioned bruises on Suga’s neck. Suga curled up self consciously once more. Kuroo turned back towards Daishou, “What satisfaction do you get from doing this?”

Daishou visibly began to sweat. “You don’t understand.”

“Clearly I don’t. I don’t see a need to beat my partner. Is it some kind of power play? Or what?”

Daishou’s mouth gaped open once more before he turned to run. But suddenly another body appeared in the doorway, strong arms blocking the exit. A feral grin spread wide on the newcomers face and his hair stood up in white and black streaks, giving him the appearance of an animal. 

“Hey hey hey, where do you think you’re going?” The man said. Daishou recognized him as Bokuto Koutarou, another powerful wing spiker. He was no match to Ushijima though, the team’s ace. “I hope ya know we could hear ya beating on your boyfriend from down the hall. I’m not sure how you got past that for however long you’ve been doing this.” Bokuto peaked around him and down at Suga, “Especially with him looking like that.”

“Did you call the cops Bo?” Kuroo asked, smirking at Daishou who paled.

“Yup! They’re on their way.” Bokuto grinned and leaned against the door frame, using his leg and arm to cage Daishou into the room, “Hopefully they lock you away for a long time after seeing what you’ve done.”

And just like that, Daishou’s whole demeanor changed. Gone was the respect he had for the men of the national volleyball team standing before him. What was standing there now was a cruel man who didn’t believe he had done anything wrong. It was normal to slap your boyfriend around every once in awhile right? “They won’t put me away.” His voice stood strong with confidence.

Ushijima straightened, “Do you not think you will get in trouble for this?”

“There’s no proof. Any of you could have done this to him, especially if they see you leaning over him like you just were.” Daishou grinned and he began to laugh, entire body shaking with hysteria. He even doubled over laughing. Suga fisted his hands in his own shirt and brought it to his chin, wiping away the drying blood. He was still quivering in fear because of his hysterical boyfriend. 

“Yes, but you’re his boyfriend.” Kuroo said lowly.

Suga sniffed and closed his eyes. This was honestly a mess. He wanted to curl up and die. He thought he was close enough to death for it to happen. He had been wishing for death for the past year and if the police managed to sidestep Daishou then he was in for a world of hurt, more than he had ever felt.

“Please.” Suga whispered and all heads turned to him. “Please stop. I can’t…” He took a shaky breath, “I can’t do this.”

Daishou moved over to him and knelt beside him, gripping his jaw again. It wasn’t as tight as it was earlier but it was enough to hurt his already sore jaw. Suga was forced to look at him and he wanted to turn away. He didn’t think Daishou would hurt him, not in front of all these people, not in front of his idols. Then again, that switch was flipped and Daishou was showing the side of himself that only Suga got to see.

“You should keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut.” Daishou growled so only Suga could hear. Suga would have talked back earlier but now? There was no way.

Suga opened his mouth to respond and Daishou squeezed his jaw harder, invoking another gasp from him.

It was at that moment that the police showed up at the door, catching Daishou in the act. There was no way he could hide from this one. Suga almost let out a sigh of relief - almost.

“Well,” the cop said, stepping into the room. Daishou looked up at him, fear settling in his eyes for the first time that night. The cop grinned at him and unhooked the handcuffs from his belt loop, “I guess this is pretty self explanatory.” He made his way over to Daishou and pulled him up by his shirt collar. The police man forced Daishou’s arms behind his back and cuffed his hands together.

“You have no proof.” Daishou started to argue.

Another cop came into the room and helped Suga sit up, examining his jaw and neck gently, “Oh, I think we have enough evidence here, don’t we SemiSemi?”

The other cop, whose name was Semi, glared at his partner, “Could you not call me that?” He straightened and tugged on the handcuffs, forcing Daishou to stand up straighter, “We definitely do. We saw you with your hands on his jaw. He’s already got bruises. We take domestic abuse very seriously.” His smile turned sinister, “I’ll do everything I can to make sure you can serve as much time as you can.”

And then Semi steered Daishou from the room, the latter huffing and puffing the whole time.

The other cop, one with spiked red hair and a nametag that read Tendou, looked at Suga, “Are you okay?”

Suga couldn’t believe what was happening. He was full on panicking. What if Daishou was released? How much pain was he going to have to endure if Daishou came back? He had nowhere to go, no one to turn to for support. Everybody in this room was staring at him in concern but did they really care? They didn’t know him, they had no idea what he had been through.

“Do you want to see a doctor?” Tendou asked him. But, Suga couldn’t form words. They got caught in his throat and all he could do was tear up, overwhelmed with emotion.

Tendou sighed and helped him stand, support him with an arm around his shoulders and holding his hand, “I’m going to take him to a doctor. You’re safe now okay?” 

Tendou was saying more but Suga’s ears stopped working. The word “safe” echoed through his mind.  _ Safe _ ? What was that? The word was so foreign to him because he hadn’t felt that way in over a year. But hearing it now being implied to him gave him a tiny ounce of hope. Because maybe, just maybe, he was safe.

But being safe physically does not protect you from your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/)


	4. first reactions after falling through the ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lateness of this chapter. Life kind of got in the way, life = school. I hope you all had a happy holidays and have a very happy New Year!! Hopefully I will be better with updating this new year :)

Suga felt numb.

He stepped out of the police station and realized that he had nowhere to go. He had denied medical attention so he went straight to the station for questioning. He was alone and the thought of going back to the apartment was making him sick. He didn’t have enough money for a cab, or to go to the doctor that Officer Tendou had referred him to after denying assistance, and he couldn’t call his parents, or anybody. Not with how he had cut them all off. He had stopped answering their calls one day, worrying them sick. His mother called multiple times after that but eventually they fizzled out. He hadn’t talked to his parents in five months.

And now he was alone and it was late. It was later than it had been when he had first gotten to the police station. Night fell on the world like a blanket and it took Suga a few blinks to readjust to it. He squinted before beginning to blindly walk. He had no idea where he was going or how far he was from the hotel he had checked in to. It was also cold and he was only in a thin cardigan and jeans.

He thought it may be best to go inside the police station, because he was cold. But he didn’t want to bother anybody. He didn’t want to be seen as an inconvenience. He already had been. He was just a lonesome twenty-three year old with nowhere to go anymore. He was practically invisible, a small speck on the map overshadowed by thousands of others.

Suga took one step into the cold of the night. It wasn’t that late yet, maybe around nine or ten. It would get colder. He could go to the hotel but he didn’t know how to get there from the police station. And he was exhausted from all the talking. He didn’t think he had done that much talking in the past year or so he had spent under Daishou’s watchful eye. He couldn’t map it, because he did not have a smartphone. Daishou never trusted him with one so he had a dinky flip phone that could barely even text. That way he couldn’t talk to anybody but Daishou.

Suga took a deep breath. What was he to do now? How was he supposed to go on? His leash was cut. For good this time. There was no impending doom that Daishou was going to find him because Daishou was behind bars. Where was Suga to go?

He hadn’t realized he had been blindly walking. He found himself at the corner of a busy street, looking around wildly. The lights were almost blinding, street fronts still lit and customers passing in and out. This was Tokyo at its finest. Suga sucked in a deep breath, feeling a bit dizzy. He was overwhelmed by everything. He wanted to lie down or drink a cold glass of water. Suga was beginning to forget what breathing was.

“Sugawara?” A voice came from his left and he dizzily turned, almost falling over. A hesitant hand grabbed his elbow to steady him and Suga wrenched out of their grip, stumbling back like he was drunk. He was panting, he could hear it in his ears and feel it burning in his chest.

“Hey, Sugawara.” The deep voice resounded in his ears again.

Suga blinked once, twice, and one last time before his vision cleared. Ushijima was leaning in front of him in the middle of the sidewalk, crouched down. Suga was sitting on the cold concrete. People passed by and watched them curiously but nobody else stopped. These things were normal in Tokyo, seemingly crazy people in the streets. It was best to just leave them be and let the person handle it themselves… even if it did cost them.

Suga looked around. How had he gotten on the ground. He remembered standing at an intersection, maybe. But now he was in the middle of the sidewalk two blocks from where he last remember. His breathing was labored and his chest felt tight. His face was wet, he realized as he touched some fingers to his cheeks. He was crying. What had he been thinking about? Nothing that constituted  _ crying.  _

“That’s the one I found in Ushiwaka’s room earlier.” A shrill voice was saying. It sent a bang through Suga’s heart. Oikawa. The one who had insinuated that he was a slut.

“Are you okay?” Ushijima asked softly, blocking Oikawa from view and was in Suga’s direct line of vision.

Suga searched the area again, “Where…?”

“We were at a bar and Ushiwaka here saw you and went running. You were stumbling a bit.” A deeper voice indicated. He had black hair. Kuroo…? Yes, Kuroo. The middle blocker. He seemed nice enough.

“Scared the shit out of us.” A softer voice laughed. He was the shortest of the bunch. Light brown hair, light brown eyes. Cute. He was probably shorter than Suga. The libero probably. “We all followed him and he had found you on the ground, looking high out of your mind.”

“Yaku.” Ushijima said harshly. Yaku, the libero, quieted immediately. The smile melted off his face.

Suga took a deep breath, “Please…”

What was he pleading for? He wanted to get off the floor and he did so, Ushijima offering a hand. Suga didn’t touch him. He couldn’t stomach touching another man, not when the only hands on him burned into his memory belonged to Daishou. Harsh, rough hands around his throat, in his gut, against his cheek in a hard slap, on his ass squeezing, kneading…

“Hey now.” Kuroo reached out to steady him as Suga’s knees went weak.

“Don’t touch me!” Suga cried out and slapped Kuroo’s hand away. Kuroo stood there with hands held up in defense.

“Sorry man.” Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck.

“Just give him space.” Ushijima spoke as Suga wrapped his arms around himself. He wanted to be alone but he didn’t know where he was or how to get back to the hotel. He couldn’t go back to the apartment. No way. Not with all the horrid memories. But he had no clean clothes or money or his personal belongings, as little as he owned. He just knew he had to get out of there.

“Please take me back to the hotel.” He said quietly to Ushijima. He didn’t trust Ushijima, not with his tall stature and heavy words, not in that moment, but there was something about Ushijima that exuded safety. He knew that Ushijima wouldn’t let anybody touch him if he didn’t want to be touched. 

Ushijima nodded, saying goodbye to his teammates. Then he gestured to Suga to follow him and Suga hesitantly did, arms still wrapped around himself.

“Wait!” Oikawa called out. Suga flinched again and didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry, about before. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“Wow, I’ve never heard the Grand King apologize before!” Bokuto hooted behind them. Oikawa glowered at him. Suga just gave him a little nod and then went back to following Ushijima. Oikawa’s words hurt and he had the ability to deny somebody of an acceptance now, so he didn’t say a word. Oikawa was left standing there like a gaping fish and Kuroo and Bokuto were left to smother their own laughter and hoots of Oikawa being burned.

The walk to the hotel wasn’t unbearable, only about fifteen minutes. They bypassed the receptionist and went up to the second floor, Suga shuffling beside him. Ushijima walked him to his door and Suga bowed slightly.

“Thank you… for walking me and bringing me back to myself.” Suga said quietly.

Ushijima nodded. “Of course.”

Suga turned to unlock his door, expecting Ushijima to leave. But Ushijima stood there and Suga gave him a curious look, not daring to open his mouth. Ushijima cleared his throat and pulled his phone out, “Would it be okay if I got your number. Just in case you need help again. I would be happy to offer you assistance.”

That was actually… nice. Suga eyed the phone warily though. What if this was just a ploy to get into his pants? Was that all Ushijima wanted from him? Nobody was this kind without a price, Suga had learned that the hard way.

“I… what do you want from me?” Suga asked, avoiding eye contact.

Ushijima’s body indicated that he was stunned, “What do you mean?”

Suga jerked slightly, “You’re just this nice to all strangers? You just m-met me and now you’re asking for my number, I don’t…”

_ This was how it started with Daishou _ .

It started in a class and an exchange of numbers because Suga thought he was cute. And now here he was, black and blue with bruises with another attractive man in front of him, offering his number. He couldn’t go down that rabbit hole again. But, again, there was something about Ushijima…

“I have no ulterior motives.” Ushijima explained calmly, “I just want you to be safe. I saw what that man was doing to you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.”

Suga opened his mouth in surprise and then he looked at Ushijima’s phone. Against better judgement he took the phone and punched in his number, sending himself a text afterwards. Then he gave Ushijima his phone back. “I sent myself a message so I can have your number as well.”

Ushijima nodded and tucked his phone back into his pants, “I am glad.”

Suga nodded and unlocked his door again, turning the handle to go inside, “Thank you, again… For everything.” His jaw felt weak. How did one smile again? He tried but it failed and so he just gave a little nod, pushing inside the room.

“Have a good night.” Ushijima said before he was shut out. Suga listened for fading footsteps before letting out a heavy breath. He pulled out his own phone from his pocket. It was a cheap flip phone, one without a full keyboard so it was harder to text. It was another reason why he had lost touch with his friends and loved ones. Daishou had smashed his old, better phone and replaced it with this so it would be harder to get a word out. Suga was too fatigued by depress and pain to really put in the effort of texting. His friends eventually all left anyway.

Suga looked around the hotel room. He could practically still smell Daishou there. He could feel him with his arm at his throat and his slap against his cheek. He still felt numb at the encounter, as he often did after being abused. You learn to just take it and not question things anymore. 

But this was Suga’s new start. Freedom… Freedom was a word so foreign in his mouth. He would always be worried, yes, but for now he was sure Daishou was behind bars. He was too smart to try and escape and Daishou would just take any sentence he got. So Suga was safe for now and it tasted so good on his lips.

Suga sat on the bed, away from where Daishou had been sitting when he discovered Daishou in his room. He pulled out his phone. There were barely any numbers plugged into it, because who memorized numbers anymore? But there was one, always one number that you remember no matter what. He took a shaking breath and closed his eyes before reopening them. He started punching in the numbers, hands shaking the entire time.

And then he pressed call. The phone went to his ear and Suga listened to it ring and ring before a soft voice picked up, saying  _ hello _ .

A feeling of warmth washed over Suga, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He released the breath and tears he had been holding in the entire walk and curled a fist in his lap, trying to get a hold of himself.

“ _ Hello _ ?” The voice asked again, “ _ Is somebody there _ ?”

“It’s me… It’s Koushi.” Suga breathed out, sucking in a wet sniff. “Mother it’s Koushi.”

“ _ Koushi _ .” His mother exclaimed in a gasp on the other end.

Suga dug his teeth into his bottom lip. “Mother, I wanna come home.” And then he pressed his face into his hand, letting out a loud sob. His mother was trying to get him to speak, to explain, but he let out all the emotions he had buried with the sound of his mother’s voice months ago. Because that voice, it made him feel like home. And he was going home. He could do that now.

He was free. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very difficult for me, writing wise. I have a whole outlined planned and then I started writing and this was just a mess. But I got over the hurdle and know what I actually want to do now. So stayed tuned!


	5. edit your hometown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three month time skip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So anybody who follows me on [tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/) would know that a couple of hours ago I posted a thing that said I didn't know when I was going to update this. And then this happened because I started writing and I actually know where I wanna go with this now.  
> Also in case anybody was wondering, the titles of the chapters come from La Dispute songs. They have no relations to the songs contents, I just like the titles of their songs

Being at home was strange for Suga, even if it had been three months since he had called his mother and told her everything. His life had changed, mostly for the better, but there was this constant anxiety that sat in the pit of his stomach every day. Suga would wake up with it and go to sleep with it. It was always lingering, like a shadow that was just waiting for its time to encompass him whole.

Suga forgot how lovely his mother was. His father had always been more stoic, as business man, and not around much. That being said, he was away on business now. They had spent a couple of days together before he had to fly to Osaka, leaving Suga with his mother. His mother, as stated previously, is lovely but she is _loud_. She slams cabinets with such ferocity it sounds like gunshots. Suga never fails to flinch when he hears it. And he can always hear it from his room.

Suga needed time to acclimate himself to being independent again before he could start looking for a job and getting himself back on his feet. There was no way he could go back into society the way he was now. He jumped at doors opening and closing and he had the lingering feeling of being watch. This was all paranoia and he knew that but he was also terrified. He wanted to be what he would consider normal but he couldn’t do that when the marks of Daishou’s abuse were still there, on his brain and on his body.

“Koushi.” His mother, Sugawara Hikari, poked her head into the room with a graceful smile. That’s where he go his smile from, back when his facial muscles were used to smiling. It physically pained him sometimes to smile now.

“Yes?” Suga sat up from where he had been lying in his bed.

“I’m going to the store, would you like to come? You should really get out and get some fresh air.” She walked to the windows and pushed the curtains back, sunlight filtering through. Suga squinted his eyes against the offensive brightness.

“Mother…”

Hikari laughed and pat his head. “Come on now, up up. We’re going to the store and you don’t have a choice.” She flitted out of the room with a little wink, closing the door behind her. Suga sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this one.

His mother had respected his choice of remaining perpetually silent about the entire Daishou situation. That first night of telling her everything had been enough and now he was just bottling it inside. Sometimes Suga would catch her looking at him glumly but would then turn away, moving the conversation along steadily. There was one time where she suggested, trying to be helpful after finding her son crying, that Suga go to a therapist. Suga refused aggressively, saying he didn’t need the help. He repeated it over and over again. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself more than his mother.

Suga hadn’t talked to anybody. He had gotten a new phone so that he was now on his mother’s plan and it was a much nicer phone than the one he had been given by Daishou. But he still didn’t talk to anybody. Ushijima’s number weighed heavily in his contacts but he figured that Ushijima had forgotten who he was at this point.

With a sigh, Suga rose from the bed and moved to the dresser. He pulled on a pair of jeans and loose t-shirt, covering it with a sweatshirt laying at the foot of his bed. He was already wearing socks so that was one less thing he had to exert energy over. Suga didn’t really like to exert his energy, mostly choosing to stare dead at the wall for hours, reliving the violent memories in his head. He didn’t know how to get them to stop.

The walk to the store was relatively short. It was a nice day out, the sky clearer than it had been in Tokyo. Suga forgot how nice Miyagi was once he had left it. Tokyo was loud and bright with lights but there was barely any beauty in the sky. Here he could see all the stars and make out constellations. Sometimes he would climb up onto the roof and stare at the stars while ultimately contemplating jumping off the roof. He didn’t because he knew it wouldn’t kill him.

Hikari grabbed a basket as they walked into the market, Suga trailing behind her.

“Koushi dear, could you go get me some milk? I’ll probably be in the next aisle over by the time you get back.” She smiled sweetly at him and Suga had no choice but to nod and walk away. He made it to the refrigerated section of the store and was reaching for the milk when he stopped.

“Ushijima-san?” He asked, staring at the other man who was browsing the milk section. Sure enough he turned and it was Ushijima Wakatoshi himself. Suga bit his lip as they made eye contact. He didn’t know what he was thinking, blurting out his name like that. God that was so stupid of him. His mind repeated _stupid, stupid, stupid_ because Ushijima probably didn’t even remember him.

“Oh, hello Sugawara-san.” Ushijima narrowed his eyes a bit as if trying to remember what Suga’s name was.

“Suga’s fine.” Suga automatically corrected.

“Right.” Ushijima said.

Suga nodded and went to grab the milk. What was Ushijima doing here, in Miyagi, in the same exact grocery store he was in. Maybe he was stalking him. Thin hairs on the back of Suga’s neck stood up at the thought. It would be just like Daishou. Now that he thought about it, quite obsessively, Daishou always seemed to be wherever he was before they started dating.

“You never called.” Ushijima stated simply as he placed something in his own basket.

“What?” Suga asked.

Ushijima blinked at him. “I gave you my number but you never called.”

“Oh, um.” Suga smoothed the hairs on the back of his neck down, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’m… sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Ushijima said. He wouldn’t stop looking at Suga and Suga had no choice but to look him in the eye.

Suga cleared his throat. “Um, so, w-what are you doing here?”

Ushijima raised an eyebrow. “Buying groceries. Is this not a grocery store?”

Suga narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular, “No, I meant in Miyagi. What’re you doing in _Miyagi_?”

“Oh.” Ushijima coughed politely and said, “My mother lives in Miyagi. And I grew up here. I visit her from time to time.”

“Oh.” Suga repeated. His pinched his eyebrows together. “Which… high school did you go to?”

“Shiratorizawa Academy.” Ushijima stated.

Suga’s eyes widened slightly. They had played Shiratorizawa at the preliminaries back in high school, but Ushijima was older than him so there was no way it was his team. Shiratorizawa had absolutely slaughtered them that game and the moral that Suga’s team had built up was forever shattered. After he left his kohai had tried to build it back up but it wasn’t the same.

“Are you doing well?” Ushijima asked.

Suga nodded and grabbed a half gallon of milk. “Um, yes. I need to… go now. My mother is waiting for me. I’ll… yeah.” He turned and hastily retreated, not missing the way Ushijima’s eyes had widened and his lips parted as if he wanted to say something else. But Suga was already gone, back to his mother in aisle three. He didn’t know what it was that made him walk away from Ushijima so abruptly, but he suddenly didn’t want to be standing in front of him anymore.

“What took so long?” Hikari asked when he finally made it back.

“Nothing.” Suga said quickly and she just gave him a weird look, leading him over to the register. Suga didn’t see Ushijima again in the store and he was grateful. He didn’t know what to think of the strange feeling he got from Ushijima. It was something like… warmth.

It wasn’t until hours later after dinner that Suga was lying in bed again, all the lights turned off and the screen of his phone shining in his face. He had been staring at Ushijima’s contact information for about twenty minutes now, coming up with every single way that texting him could go wrong. There was absolutely nothing that could go wrong, Suga was just worried.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Suga finally worked up the courage to send a text.

_ << thnk you for evrything a few months ago _

_ << this is Suga btw _

He watched the messages send, heart hammering so hard in his chest he thought he was going to die. He could barely breathe. It was just a text, why was he freaking out so bad? Maybe because Ushijima may choose to overlook it. Maybe it was just Ushijima being nice back then, those three months ago, when Daishou had him pressed to the wall, beaten and bruised.

Suga immediately went downstairs to get a cup of water. Thankfully his mother only owned plastic cups because he didn’t trust himself around glass. His hand was trembling violently as he filled up the cup from the tap, gulping the water down.

It was just a text, but it was the first text to somebody other than Daishou or his mother in over a year. It was kind of… special. And it was a thank you to the person, or one of the persons who had helped him escape his situation. Ushijima was the original one who had opened himself up to him, gave him refuge in the form of a water bottle and a hotel room, and never pried. All in a few hours. Remarkable.

The water from the cup escaped the corners of his mouth and dribbled down his chin, dripping down onto the shirt. It soaked through, chilling him but he felt better after drinking some water. He refilled the cup and then brought it back upstairs, only to find when he unlocked his phone that he had three unread messages.

Suga was shaking again. He placed the cup on the end table and unlocked it, reading over his messages.

_ >> you’re welcome _

_ >> are you really OK? _

_ >> i never got the chance to ask which high school you went to _

Why did he want to know? Was Suga’s first thought. But maybe… Ushijima wanted a friendship. Suga could humor him. There was no harm in humoring him or having a friend. Suga thought hard about his friends from high school and college that he no longer spoke to. What was Daichi doing these days? He had been studying to be a lawyer. And Asahi? Suga couldn’t remember where he had gone to school. Not to mention he could barely remember anything about anybody else he had been on the team with.

_ << im fine _

_ << i went to Karasuno _

_ >> ah _

Suga furrowed his eyebrows. Ushijima wasn’t really a talker and he didn’t really know how to respond to that. So he didn’t. Ushijima didn’t make an effort to talk to him either. Suga locked his phone and put it on the charger, rolling over to go to sleep. Or to just lay there. What good was going to come out of texting with a national sports player? Nothing good probably.

\--

But the texts didn’t stop there.

Suga couldn’t help himself. There was this… unidentified feeling that could only be called loneliness creeping up inside him. Somebody had reached out to him and wanted to be his friend. Suga hadn’t had friends for a year. He didn’t even know where to start. Daishou was the only person he had talked to and even that was limited. He always made himself scarce.

That next morning Suga had woken up to a text from Ushijima just saying hello. Suga indulged him and responded and that got them talking about Ushijima’s stay in Miyagi and his practice schedule. Suga always tried to keep the focus off of him. And he was doing a good job and Ushijima never tried to go into personal details about him. Just asking him if he ever played sports and what his hobbies were. Suga used to play volleyball so they discussed volleyball most of the time. Harmless.

This went on for weeks, another month passing by. Suga felt the walls around his mine start crumbling. Crumbling maybe wasn’t the right word. It was chipping. The wall was becoming chipped. Suga spent less time in bed crying. He opened up the blinds and sat outside on the deck in the back. He helped his mother make dinner. But he never talked about his relationship with Daishou. He suppressed it even further, actually. Because bringing it up again would surely just make all those bad memories resurface and then he would be back under the covers with dead wall reveries.

_ >> the team is going to be in miyagi for a bit _

_ >> would you like to come see a practice? _

_ << isnt tht supposed to be private? _

_ >> not if i say otherwise. I am the captain _

_ << wow i didnt know the captain had tht much power _

_ >> it is how ive always done my captain duties _

Suga shook his head. Ushijima sure had a weird way of speaking, even over text. Suga thought back to high school and Daichi’s captain ways. He never let any bullshit slide. But he couldn’t call the shots. They were in high school after all.

_ >> where is the practice? _

Ushijima gave him the address and told him that they’d be there tonight and the next day most likely. Suga made the decision to go. It would be good to get out the house. To build himself back up. This was a character building experience. He quickly got dressed into some loose sweats and a ratty old tee before grabbing his high school gym bag. He could practically smell the teenage scent on it.

“Where are you going?” Hikari asked as he came downstairs, looking up from her book. His father was locked away in his office away from both wife and child.

“I was invited to go see a volleyball practice.” Suga explained as he put his shoes on.

“Oh!” Hikari smiled. “Have fun! Is Daichi going to be there?”

“Um, no…” Suga said and he looked away. “It’s other… friends.” Were they even his friends? They were barely acquaintances. Ushijima was a friend though. Possibly.

“Well, have a good time.” Hikari grinned teasingly, “Don’t be out too late you hear?”

Suga snorted. “I’m not in high school anymore mom.”

Hikari’s voice had a sing-song quality to it. “A woman can dream, my dear.”

Suga laughed throughout his nose, a little puff of air, and then he was leaving. The sun was setting and he was grateful that he didn’t have to walk around in the dark. It was strange, walking the streets like this. He was brought back to fond memories of walking these streets to come home from school, Daichi and Asahi at his sides. He was always nudging them and making fun of them, loving their reactions. Where had that Suga gone?

Oh yeah. He had been taken away by a monster.

He passed Daichi’s childhood home as he made his way to the gym. He wondered if his family was still there. Maybe he would ask his mother later. Maybe he would ask his mother if he had any sort clue what the Sawamura’s were up to these days.

Suga made it to the gym in one piece and sent a text to Ushijima that he was out front. Ushijima just responded and told him to come in, that they were all taking a water break now. Suga did it and he really didn’t expect the whole entire team to be there. But they were.

All eyes turned to him and his heart rate immediately accelerated. He thought about fleeing but then Ushijima was heading over to him.

“Hello.” He said. “You brought gym clothes.”

“Oh, um, yes.” Suga nodded. “I didn’t know um… I didn’t know if I would be allowed to play, and I didn’t want to wear… normal clothes in the gym.” He looked off to the side, seeing Bokuto and Kuroo looking over curiously.

“That is fine.” Ushijima nodded. “We are taking a break right now.” Suga nodded and followed him deeper into the gym, looking around at all the different faces.

“Hey hey, you’re the guy from that hotel a few months back!” Bokuto exclaimed and Suga flinched. “How are ya? Ushijima is he the one you’re always going on your phone for?”

Ushijima turned red and Suga just looked away.

“I’m fine.”

“You idiot you embarrassed him.” A shorter guy with light brown hair said and promptly swatted Bokuto on the arm. He fixed light brown eyes on Suga. “Sorry about him.”

“Oh, it’s… okay.” He nodded. He gave the guy a once over. He was short, shorter than Suga and Suga figured he was the libero.

“I’m Yaku Morisuke. Do you play volleyball?” Yaku asked after introducing himself.

Suga shrugged, “I played in high school but not so much after.”

“What position did you play?” Kuroo chimed in, leaning his arm on Yaku’s shoulder. Yaku glared and shoved him off.

“I was a setter.”

“Oi, Oikawa!” Kuroo yelled loudly to the other side of the gym where Oikawa was standing with one of the other plays. The other player was blonde and from here Suga could see that two thick black stripes wrapped around his head. “You’ve got some competition over here with this setter!”

Oikawa’s face darkened, “Yeah, we’ll see about that!”

“Wanna play with us.” Yaku asked.

Suga held his hands up, “I don’t want to intrude-”

“I invited you for a reason.” Ushijima said behind him and Suga tensed. Ushijima had such a looming presence and he practically towered over him. It was intimidating almost even though Ushijima was basically harmless. Off the court at least.

“I thought that if I invited you to play it would make you happy. Since whenever you reminisced about high school you always seemed sad.”

“You got that… from some text messages?” Suga asked and Ushijima nodded. Huh. Observant.

“Hey, Wakatoshi said that you went to Karasuno. Did you know the Small Giant? With the red hair and all?” Bokuto asked.

Suga cringed at the name. “Hinata was a first year when I was a third year. Daichi and I had a lot of trouble corralling him and the other first years.”

“Daichi?” Kuroo chimed in, looking at him in wonder. Suga’s eyebrows pinched together again.

“He was our captain.” _And my best friend_ Suga wanted to say but he didn’t.

“Huh.” Kuroo hummed and then he was dragging Bokuto away, saying something to him quietly.

Ushijima cleared his throat, “So, would you like to play?”

Suga thought for a moment. It couldn’t hurt. “Sure.”

Ushijima gave him a small smile and clapped him on the back. Pain shot through his spine a bit. He tensed again. That was a new sensation. Not entirely new… Suga took a deep breath. It was not the time and place to be freaking out about repressed memories of Daishou. Daishou couldn’t hurt him now.

Playing volleyball was… fun. Suga hadn’t had fun like that since college. It wasn’t enough to get him to smile but it was there and he felt it bubbling up inside of him ready to burst like a balloon. He was almost giddy. The court felt like a homecoming and maybe he could build new memories in this hometown of him. Memories that didn’t included snakes beating him, even if the spike of a all onto the court reminded him of harsh slaps on bare skin.


	6. last blues

In hindsight, a lot of things could have been avoided if Suga had just stayed home and not gone to play volleyball again. But he went. 

Suga had woken up feeling good, better than he had in practically a year. Maybe his ability to feel  _ anything  _ was slowly coming back to him. It certainly felt that way. The giddiness burned inside of him as he washed up and put his gym clothes back on. He really enjoyed playing volleyball with the team yesterday; it was almost like high school. But he did feel a little awkward because everybody knew each other. Everybody welcomed him with open arms though.

Suga said goodbye to his mother and his father, surprisingly enough, and made his way to the gym with a bounce in his step. He was even whistling. Suga had thought he had lost that skill having no use for whistling happy tunes.

He entered the gym and nodded politely at Ushijima, who slowly approached him as he switched shoes.

“Good morning.” Ushijima said, watching him closely.

“Good morning, Ushijima.” Suga said, looking up.

“I-”

“Yo!” Kuroo clapped Suga on the back and Suga flinched. “Shit, sorry. Anyway, I have a surprise for you.”

Suga raised an eyebrow and glanced at the smirking middle blocker. “A...surprise?”

Kuroo grinned. “Yeah! I think you’re really gonna like this.”

Suga finished up tying his shoes and stood up, immediately being dragged into the gym. Suga tried to wrench his arms from Kuroo’s grip because he definitely did  _ not  _ like being manhandled like that. His throat was already closing up in panic from not being able to escape Kuroo’s grip. Was he always this strong? His blocks were always great; it was hard to get spikes past them and it left Suga feeling frustrated. But how was he this-

“Suga?” A deep voice filtered through the crowd of the team that Kuroo was making his way through. Suga could see the bench, could  _ see  _ the person that had spoken his name and yet he couldn’t believe it. 

Kuroo was still holding onto him with a tight grip and Suga’s vision was starting to darken in the corners. He didn’t like to be touched but that  _ person  _ was coming closer and Kuroo was letting go of him and his lungs filled with air. But not for long because strong arms wrapped around him; the touch was familiar and he leaned into it as if it had just been yesterday that the earthy scent filled every pore.

“Suga.” His voice wavered as he tightened his grip.

“D-Daichi.” It was really Daichi, his best friend, the one who had stuck by his side since that first year in high school. It was him, the one he had abandoned for something a little less than love, a lot less than love but giving off the aura of love. He was so blinded and Daichi was the one who had been trying to pull him out. This was Daichi,  _ his  _ Daichi, level-headed, strong, composed Daichi holding onto him for dear life. It seemed as if he let go, Suga would vanish into thin air just like he had a year prior. 

“I was so worried.” Daichi said, pulling back. Suga sucked in a deep breath. Daichi was still touching him, gripping his arms near the shoulders. It was fine though because he trusted Daichi. Even after all this time he trusted Daichi. And why? Because he was still his best friend.

“How did you- I don’t…” Suga looked off to the side, caramel eyes flitting over to where Kuroo stood smugly. His arms were crossed over his chest.

Daichi laughed softly. “I’m dating that dumbass. He told me that Ushiwaka had brought somebody to the gym and that they had gone to Karasuno. And that his name was Sugawara Koushi.”

Daichi’s laugh sounded good in his ears. It felt like home. 

“I’m sorry.” Suga whispered to him. He couldn’t look at warm brown eyes as they stared at him bemused.

“It’s fine. But what happened?” Daichi pressed.

Suga tensed under his touch. He knew the question was going to come but he didn’t want to talk about it. He owed Daichi an explanation, he had left the man hanging for almost a year now. But he couldn’t, the wound was open and it was gushing still. He closed his eyes and behind his eyelids he saw sinister smirks and felt ropes cut into his wrists, bruises blooming over every lick of skin possible.

Suga was unaware that his breath was coming quicker until Daichi pressed a hand to his chin as gentle as possible and he all but slapped him away. He took a shaking step back, almost moving into Kuroo as he did so. Everything felt tight, the air, the crowd. Everybody was staring at him, wondering why this was not a tearful, joyful reunion.

“Suga?” Daichi asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Suga mumbled.

Daichi’s eyebrows pinched together. “Suga you were gone for a y-”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Suga screamed, his shout of hidden anguish echoing through the gym. If people were ignoring them before it was hard to do so now. All heads turned in their direction.

Kuroo laughed nervously and laid a hand on Suga’s shoulder. “Hey, he’s just trying to talk to you…”

Suga cried out and moved away from Kuroo, wrapping his arms tight around himself. “Please don’t… I can’t… no…” He looked down at his feet and shivered.

“Just give him some space.” Ushijima advised lowly and Suga couldn’t figure it out but his chest loosened just a tiny bit. When he opened his eyes Daichi was staring at him in wonder and concern.

“Koushi.”

“I’m sorry.” Suga whispered. He was always apologizing for things he shouldn’t have to apologize for. He was hurting. Why wasn’t he allowed to hurt?

Daichi slowly took a step towards him and Suga took another step back, shaking his head. He didn’t want to be near anybody. He had missed his best friend but he didn’t even want to be near him right now.

Suga turned. He needed to get out of there,  _ right now _ . He had just gotten there but his lungs felt as if there was no oxygen in there and what was remaining was slowly leaving. 

“Wait Suga, please talk to me.” Daichi pleaded, voice following him as Suga rapidly darted through the players. Suga shook his head quickly, tears burning behind his eyes. A mantra played in his head:  _ This was a mistake, this was a mistake, this was a mistake… _

Suga made it outside, clutching his chest and sucking in little gasps of air. Daichi prompting him to talk was making him recall every horrible thing Daishou had done to him. The name tasted bitter in the back of his throat just thinking about it. With a clench of his eyes he started running down the street and away from the gym. He was never going back. Ushijima had betrayed him.

And just when he was starting to feel comfortable with himself again…

Suga ran all the way home. It wasn’t too bad of a run. It let him clear his head. But now he felt guilty, because it was  _ Daichi _ . It was really Daichi, his best friend, who was so ready to forgive him for disappearing off the face of the Earth for so long. And only in exchange for a little information.

“Koushi?” His mother’s voice came from behind him but he was already storming up the stairs, door clicking into place as he slammed it shut. He realized he hadn’t even taken his shoes off. After flinging himself on the bed and discarded his shoes towards the closet, the material hitting the door with a thud before clambering to the ground.

Suga waited for his mother’s arrival at his door to hound him but it never came. He breathed a sigh of relief but that sigh burned, as well as the tears that were falling now. He curled in on himself, biting the pillow, just like he had when Daishou was over him, yelling, hitting, fucking.

He didn’t know how much time had past until the door was creaking open after a light knock on the wood. Suga glanced at the door, fully expecting his mother or father, but instead he got both Daichi and Ushijima.

“What…” Suga said breathlessly, tears staining his face. It was no use trying to wipe them away. “Get out.”

“Suga, please.” Daichi said softly and sat on the edge of his bed. Suga immediately cowered in the corner of the bed.

“I don’t have to talk about it if I don’t want to.” Suga whispered, shaking his head. “I don’t have to talk about it.”

“Ushijima told me what happened the night he met you.” Daichi explained, ignoring Suga.

Suga glared at the taller man standing in the doorway.

“He was persistent.” Ushijima said simply and Suga tugged the pillow closer to his chest. “I told him that he could not be that way because it made you uncomfortable.”

“And I told  _ him  _ that he shouldn’t speak for you.” Daichi snapped. “I just want to know why you disappeared for months without a single word! Was it about Daishou? I told you I didn’t trust him.”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Suga yelled, fresh tears brewing in his eyes. “You’ve never been through something so… so traumatic that you can barely sleep at night without worrying that you’re going to wake up to hands around your neck or your body thrown to the floor! You don’t know what it’s like to be hit over every little thing because you’re not good enough! You don’t know what it’s like to be  _ raped  _ almost every fucking day. So no, I don’t want to fucking talk about it. I don’t want to have to relive the life that I finally was able to escape.” He angrily rubbed at his tears.

Daichi’s mouth parted in surprise and Ushijima stood stock still. Even though Suga didn’t want to talk about it, he sure as hell just spilled everything there was to tell. 

“Suga…” Daichi tried again.

“Maybe it is best if we gave him some space.” Ushijima suggested, locking eyes with Suga. Suga blinked and hugged the pillow tighter. He appreciated Ushijima standing up for him; his own best friend wasn’t even doing it. Could Daichi even be considered his best friend anymore?

Daichi narrowed his eyes at Ushijima. “Is there something going on between you two?”

Suga breath hitched. He was just like Oikawa - careless.

“How dare you?” Suga said quietly, staring at Daichi in surprise. Daichi mimicked his expression.

“Huh?” Daichi asked.

“How  _ dare  _ you?” Suga said more firmly. “You don’t care about me at all!”

Daichi blanched. “Are you kidding me? Suga, I was worried sick the entire time you were with… him. You didn’t even try to contact me.”

“I couldn’t!” Suga cried, “He wouldn’t let me use the phone for anybody other than him! Don’t you get that?”

“I don’t because I haven’t seen you! Please, let me help you!” Daichi exclaimed.

Suga shook his head. “I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine.”

“You’re not.”

“I  _ am _ .” The two stared at each other. Ushijima came over and placed a hand on Daichi’s shoulder.

“I do think it’s best if you leave now.” He stated.

Daichi glared at him. “You’re not his keeper.”

“Please leave.” Suga whispered. Daichi sighed after a moment and then stood.

“I still want to be a part of your life, if you’ll let me.” Suga avoided his gaze. Another sigh sounded from him. “Your mother gave me your number. I can… send you a text and if you want to talk to me that’s fine. I… I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I shouldn’t have forced you to say anything... “

Daichi ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry.” Ushijima moved out of the way as he left. Suga sniffled into the pillow and Ushijima tentatively took a step forward.

“I am sorry. I told Kuroo that he should not have-”

“It’s fine.” Suga said quickly. “Please just… forget everything I said before.” 

Ushijima hesitated but he nodded. He didn’t want to leave Suga alone in this state but he didn’t know if he was overstaying his welcome. 

“Thank you.” Suga said softly.

Ushijima turned to look at him with a cocked eyebrow. Suga glanced at him but when they made eye contact he quickly looked away.

“Thank you for helping me… that night and today. I… appreciate it.”

“It’s my pleasure.” Ushijima bowed slightly. Suga snorted a little and wiped his eyes.

“I’m sorry for running out like that.”

Ushijima smiled slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching. “You have nothing to apologize for, really. I would like to continue to help you, if you would let me.”

Suga’s mouth parted again in surprise. “Why?”

“I am drawn to you.” Ushijima stated casually. Suga looked taken aback and he even felt his cheeks heat up a bit. “I have an urge to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected.” Suga was quick to object but Ushijima nodded.

“I know. But I would still like to.”

Suga hesitated. The last time somebody told him they wanted to protect him, they hurt him and left splotches of black and blue all over his body. Yet, Ushijima was trustworthy. A gentle-giant really. Maybe the day could turn around now.

“I would like that.” Suga responded.

And Ushijima smiled. Suga couldn’t find it in himself to smile back, as he was empty inside, but he just nodded. Things were turning up, maybe. A silver lining, possibly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's Daichi. I didn't mean to make him... mean or rude. It just happened. But hey, we are on track now! This opens up, finally, the possibility of a relationship.
> 
> [Tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/)


	7. harder harmonies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to get a chapter out every month... I've got a good track record so far... Sorry for the long wait :( I'm still committed to this I promise just Yuri on Ice is taking over my life D:  
> Didn't give this another read through before posting so if you see any mistakes please let me know!!!

Ushijima had really meant what he said about wanting to continue helping Suga. Suga was surprised at how active a role Ushijima played in his life now and how quick the switch had been made.

Over the next few weeks Ushijima messaged him good morning and goodnight, with conversations sprinkled sparsely throughout the day. He still never mentioned Daishou and their relationship but he was getting more… personal with Ushijima. They shared childhood stories and Ushijima would update him on what was happening with the volleyball team. Suga hadn’t gone back to the gym with them since he had seen Daichi there.

Daichi was a completely different story.

He had shown up at Suga’s house a week ago, pleading forgiveness. He had never meant to pry he just wanted to understand why Suga had disappeared for three years without a word. Suga didn’t explain it to him, didn’t want to talk about it at all. Daichi was understanding and asked if they could meet for lunch sometime, or if Suga didn’t want to go out then Daichi could go to his place.

Suga added his number to his phone, his contacts growing by one.

Daichi and Suga talked, but not as much as he and Ushijima. Daichi told him all the updates on their friends from high school and college but after that it was silent, tapered off conversation on Suga’s part. Suga only had an interest in Ushijima. There was no reason for it; the man just made him feel warm.

Suga awoke on a particular Sunday morning to the sound of crows squawking and the sun peeking through the blinds to say hello. On his phone he had a message from Ushijima, a simple good morning with a picture of Bokuto snoring on his back and Oikawa bent over him on the bed, smearing some kind of food product gently on his face.

 

<< _good morning_

_ << what is that? _

 

It was white. Maybe it wasn’t even food, maybe it was shaving cream.

 

 _ >> shaving cream _ Ushijima responded. He was right.

 

Suga felt a fizzing sensation in his chest and knew the laughter was sitting there, stewing. But it never came out and he wasn’t going to force it.

 

_ << why? _

 

>> _i don’t question it_

 

Ushijima was currently away on training, as usual, and kept Suga updated on his daily activities. Suga knew a lot more about the national volleyball team than he ever could have imagined. He knew that Oikawa did face masks every night to ‘keep the wrinkles away,’ that Kuroo had to stop to pet every dog they saw when they went to the park together, that when Bokuto laughs he sometimes hoots like an owl and that one time he laughed so hard he peed himself in the middle of the restaurant. They had been kicked out.

Suga realized quickly that they were like a family. He yearned for something like that, but getting close to somebody was difficult for him.

(Wasn’t he doing that with Ushijima though?)

 

<< _do they ever do this kind of thing to you?_

 

_ >> i always wake up before them _

_ >> there are no chances _

 

“Huh.” Suga breathed in place of a laugh and he sat up, stretching. It was almost eleven; he had slept in that day which wasn’t unusual for him but it was still strange, having nothing to do. He was still too paranoid to look for a job even though his father was getting impatient. His father had even hinted at getting him a job at his firm for the time being. Suga had little to no experience so it wouldn’t be fair.

Suga descended down the stairs, arms crossed over his chest against the chill in the house. His mother preferred for it to be cold but sometimes it was _too_ cold.

“Good morning Koushi.” Hikari smiled gently at him from her armchair where she was curled under a blanket. “Would you like some tea?”

“I can get it myself.” Suga said softly. “Thank you though.” He wandered into the kitchen and heard the creak of the armchair moving, signalling that his mother was going to come in and pester him. He loved his mother but she pushed too hard everyday to get him to open up. It was because she loved him but right now, it was too much, still.

Hikari hovered in the kitchen, watching Suga prepare the tea in a kettle and he kept his back turned towards her the whole time. Hikari sighed to make her presence known and Suga knew she was tucking a strand of her hair behind her hair.

“Koushi-”

“Please don’t ask me to open up.” Suga pleaded softly. “I’m not ready.”

Hikari sighed again. “You should at least see a therapist Koushi. It’s been months, you can’t bottle it up forever.”

“I’m getting better.” Suga argued. “I… I don’t just lay in my bed in pity for myself. I talk to Daichi and Ushijima-kun frequently.”

“You rarely leave the house…”

“I don’t have to leave the house to be okay! And I certainly don’t need to talk about it.”

Hikari bit her lip. “You exploding like this is a clear sign that you do need to talk about it.”

Suga clicked his tongue. He didn’t like being rude to his mother, she _was_ his mother after all,  but he hated this goading. Talking about it would just bring back memories and feelings he was trying to repress. Thinking about the years he spent with Daishou made his skin crawl and ache as if he had been set on fire.

“Mother. Please. I am asking nicely. Just _leave_ it.” Suga turned to look at her and their eyes met for a moment. Both were silently pleading but for two different reasons.

Ultimately Hikari lost. She tapped her knuckles on the countertop. “Fine. But… you need to get out more. Maybe you should take your father up on that offer for the job. You would have something to do instead of being holed up all day.”

“Maybe.” Suga clipped shortly and another exhale escaped his mother. Suga poured himself the tea and then took it to his room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t want to deal with this. He was in his twenties, for God’s sake. This wasn’t high school anymore; he was an adult. Granted, he was a weakly functioning adult but he was still an adult.

Suga placed the tea on the bedside table and picked his phone up again. There were no new messages from Ushijima so he took the leap and decided to text first.

 

_ << my mother is up my ass again _

 

He bit his lip and didn’t get a response until his tea was cold and he spent two hours staring at the wall. His spat with his mother had reminded him of small arguments when he dared speak out against Daishou. It was less than a handful of times and those were some of the worst nights of his life.

Suga spent most of the two hours calming his breathing and whispering to himself a reminder that it was over now. He knew his mother was right and that he should probably talk to somebody but he just didn’t want to. If he could barely handle something this miniscule how would he handle talking about the relationship beginning to end?

Suga had a brief moment of wondering why he hadn’t chosen to press charges. He realized he was an idiot because now Daishou was back in the apartment they had shared most likely trying to figure out ways to get Suga back.

The buzzing of his phone brought him from nasty thoughts and Suga picked it up to see that Ushijima had texted him back.

 

_ >> is everything ok? _

_ >> I am sorry i only just saw your message _

 

Suga hummed but not in annoyance. Just a general noise

.

_ << that’s okay _

_ << she wants me to talk to a therapist _

 

_ >> do you not want to? _

 

_ << no _

_ << i cant _

 

Ushijima waited fifteen minutes to respond. Suga’s anxiety was through the roof at this point and by the time the other man had actually respond Suga was seriously considering changing the subject entirely.

Thankfully Ushijima did this himself.

 

_ >> would you like to come out with me this upcoming weekend? _

 

It was almost worse than being forced to talk about Daishou. Suga’s heart dropped to his stomach when he realized Ushijima was asking him on a _date_. Suga… couldn’t date. It was too soon. The thought made his anxiety skyrocket and his stomach churn. Tears burned behind his eyes. He thought Ushijima understood.

 

_ << i dont think thats the best idea _

 

_ >> it would be at the fair _

_ >> the whole team was going to go _

_ >> Sawamura is going to be there _

 

Suga swallowed around the lump in his throat. Was Ushijima trying to justify his suggestion. Suga decided that the best course of action was to be honest in this type of situation.

 

_ << im sorry im not really interested in dating at the moment. _

 

There was no response for a moment. Maybe Ushijima was offended but certainly he would understand…

_ >> im sorry if i gave off the wrong impression _

_ >> i was only asking if you wanted to go as a friend with my team and myself _

_ >> i thought it may take your mind off of things, even if it is a few days away _

 

Now Suga felt like a jackass. Ushijima was, if nothing else, a good guy. He shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Ushijima was always understanding of everything, almost as if he had experienced something similar to Suga firsthand. That got Suga thinking, because what _if_ Ushijima was a domestic abuse survivor just like him? He was a couple of years older than Suga and he definitely had more experience. Maybe Ushijima was currently in a relationship. He was never one to google celebrities, because that was what Ushijima was. He was a celebrity in the public eye. Surely he would have known right? Suga didn’t spend much time on the internet anyway.

 

_ >> did i offend you? _

 

Suga startled as his phone buzzed again and he was quick to respond this time instead of getting lost in his thoughts.

 

_ << im sorry i just thought… _

_ << i would love to go with you guys _

 

_ >> perfect _

_ >> im excited to see you _

_ >> if that is okay _

 

Even though Suga was just panicking over a relationship, he found himself wanting to smile again. Ushijima had this strange ability at being able to do that. With his strange stoicness that Suga found endearing, Ushijima made him want to be a functioning human again. Funny how people can do that.

 

_ << im… excited to see you too Ushijima _

 

* * *

 

They decided to go on Thursday, as that was the first day the fair would be taking place and they figured not as many young people would be going then. It was mostly couples there that afternoon, Kuroo and Daichi included, and it allowed everybody else to go wild. Oikawa and Bokuto had dragged their partners Iwaizumi and Akaashi to the fair as well. Iwaizumi was nice enough, always smiling but otherwise glaring at Oikawa. People wouldn’t be able to tell they were together if it wasn’t their hands clasped together. Suga would flinch every time Iwaizumi hit Oikawa playfully but hummed deep in his chest in laughter as Oikawa whined.

Suga found himself drawn to Bokuto’s boyfriend Akaashi. He was quiet yet observant and he made soft conversation with Suga when they first arrived before Bokuto and Kuroo were dragging him off to judge whatever game they wanted to play. Akaashi didn’t seem like the type to be with somebody like Bokuto but Suga found their dynamic worked.

The other three main string players Yaku, Kyoutani Kentarou, and Tsukishima Kei also went with them. Kyoutani hung back with his hands shoved in his pocket, looking miserable. Oikawa would often engage with him even with Iwaizumi yelling at him to leave “Kentarou” alone. They seemed to have a history that Suga would want to get to the bottom of eventually. Tsukishima was also quiet and observant, much like Akaashi, but he also had a snarkiness to him that Suga found amusing. He had no problem snapping at Kuroo, who always pouted at his remarks. Daichi kept him in check.

“Do you have somebody special, Yaku-san?” Suga asked. Ushijima was doing some strong-arm game with Bokuto. Bokuto wanted to prove that he was stronger than Ushijima but it seemed as if the former just could not ring the bell for the life of him. Ushijima had no problems.

Yaku spit out his drink when Suga asked him this and then he laughed nervously. “I wouldn’t say that, exactly…”

“Don’t let him fool you.” Kuroo began, slinging an arm heavily around Yaku’s shoulders. Yaku glowered up at the middle blocker as the latter went on to say, “He’s banging one of his old kouhai from high school. Morisuke doesn’t like any labels though.”

“Don’t call me Morisuke.” Yaku shoved at his side and Kuroo cackled in the throaty way he often did.

“I’m sorry, is that reserved for Lev~?” Kuroo sang and then he yelped when Yaku narrowed his eyes at him. He ran away as Yaku chased after him, telling him to shut up. His face was bright red and it brought out the light freckles sprinkled across his cheeks. Kuroo ended up hiding behind Daichi and Suga covered his mouth. The corners of his mouth were twitching, strange, and it made his face itch.

“You’re smiling.” Ushijima said beside him, looking down at him curiously.

Suga’s face felt the same and when he touched his lips, he felt that they were turned downward as usual. “I was?”

“Yes.” Ushijima said. Then he added, thoughtfully, “You have a nice smile.”

Against his own will Suga felt his cheeks ignite from the compliment. He started feeling like this was Daishou all over again and he retreated from these feelings of flattery. “Thank you.”

Ushijima nodded. “Would you like to play a game?” He motioned to one of the many gaming stations set up on the borders of the fair. Suga chose a water shooting game and then one game where he had to throw a ball into a fish bowl. He and Ushijima each ended up winning a fish to take home.

“You can keep it.” Ushijima said, holding the bag out to him.

Suga frowned. “Don’t you want him?”

“If I’m gone for a long time, it would not be fair to him. You can take care of him for me.” Ushijima reasoned.

Suga hesitantly took the bag. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to take care of one fish, let alone two. “Okay.” Ushijima gave him one of his rare smiles and Suga’s heart was beating fast all over again. He scolded himself, telling him to get his chaotic emotions in check. But his heart and mind were battling and these fuzzy feelings that bubbled in his chest were attraction, at least he could guess that they were attraction. He just had to keep telling himself that it was too soon and that he needed to focus on himself.

Suga somehow found himself with Ushijima though. None of the other teammates and their partners were in sight. Suga kept his eyes cast to the ground as they walked. He could feel Ushijima’s body heat radiating off of him, that’s how close together they were walking. Suga found it comforting and protective.

He was ultimately glad for Ushijima presence when he heard a familiar laugh.

Suga’s entire being was glued to the floor and Ushijima continued walking without noticing for a moment. Then he turned to look at Suga, confusion in those deep olive eyes.

“Suga?” His deep baritone of a voice echoed through his mind but Suga’s cells were hyper aware of everything. The laugh sounded again and it was closer now. Suga licked his drying lips and tried to take a step forward. From the corner of his eyes he thought he saw a flash of green hair above the crowd. That’s when he lurched towards Ushijima, taking his sleeve between two fingers while holding onto both fish. He was shaking them badly but that was a problem for later.

Suga’s voice was barely above a whisper when he finally spoke. “I… I need to go.”

“What is the problem?” Ushijima stepped closer and Suga was immediately claustrophobic, taking a step back. He stumbled but luckily Ushijima had good reflexes and wrapped an arm around him to catch him.

Suga looked across the way and he swore he could see snake-like brown eyes boring into him. He squeezed his eyes shut to block them out. “I… He… Please.”

“Tell me what you need.” Ushijima advised into his ear, arm still around him. Their bodies were flushed together and Suga wondered if Ushijima could feel the rapid pace of his heart rate through the material of his shirt. Suga’s entire body was vibrating with fear and his accelerating heart rate that he wouldn’t be surprised.

“Go.” Suga choked on his own tears threatening behind closed eyelids. “I want to go. Please. Help me.”

“Okay.” Ushijima complied and supported Suga every step out of the fair. Suga dared look back but there was no greenish brown hair in sight, except for Ushijima’s. They didn’t dare speak a word as they made it to the train station and Suga was once again grateful for Ushijima’s presence.

When they were seated on the train with Suga’s fish between them alive and well, Ushijima decided to speak up. “Are you sure everything is alright?”

“I saw him.” Suga sniffed and rubbed at one of his eyes. “D-Daishou. He was there. He saw me… He’s after me.”

Ushijima listened to him go on about Daishou. It was nothing of substance, just repetition of him saying that Daishou had found him and soon he would be in his room. Suga stumbled over words every time he recalled the times he was alone with Daishou, which had been every day under their three years together.

Ushijima delivered him to his front doorstep and when he was invited inside, they both bypassed Suga’s concerned mother. Suga just gave her the fish and told her to put them in a bowl and he’ll deal with everything tomorrow. Ushijima made sure Suga was safely in bed before departing. Suga knew he could hear him cry even before he closed the door.

Suga hated this feeling of regression. He had been making progress and then… he thought he saw Daishou and everything was ruined. He couldn’t sleep that night and laid under warm sheets petrified as to what was going to become of him.

The following day his mother knocked on his door to try and talk to him through the door, knowing better than to come in. But Suga didn’t respond until she said she bought fish food for the fish. Then he retreated to the kitchen to take the fish up to his room. At least he wouldn’t be lonely.

Suga was staring at the fish swimming in their new tank with colorful rocks filling the bottom and sculptures that they were able to swim through when his phone started vibrating beside him. There were also fake plants and Suga wondered why his mother went all out. He picked up his phone and saw that Ushijima had messaged him again. It was the first time since he texted since the previous unopened goodnight message.

 

_ >> are you busy on Saturday? _

 

_ << why? _

 

Suga responded to it immediately. He didn’t feel very trusting anymore.

 

_ >> there is somebody who i would like you to meet _

_ >> i think it will help _

 

_ << who? _

 

Suga was squinting at his screen, almost as if Ushijima could see him.

 

_ >> my mother _

 

Suga was, in fact, not busy tomorrow or that Saturday or Sunday or _ever_. He thought that maybe it was too soon for him to be meeting Ushijima’s mother. But he just said that he wasn’t busy and that if he really was interested in seeing him then that was fine. Ushijima told him that he would be there around noon to pick him up. Suga just sighed.

What was he getting himself into by seeing Ushijima’s mother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge jump and development in the next chapter!!!! Kick my ass if I don't progress this story!!


	8. extraordinary dinner party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga meets Ushijima's mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to continuously say sorry for the wait. I will finish this story, I don't know when, but I will finish it. I haven't given up!!!  
> A happy chapter for Suga's birthday at least :)

The train ride to meet Ushijima’s mother was nothing less than awkward. Ushijima was stiff as a board and Suga sat on the opposite seat from him, almost refusing to sit with him. After his little paranoid outburst the other day, Suga had time to calm himself down and prepare for Saturday. Now that Saturday was here, Suga had no interest in even going to Ushijima’s mother’s house or talking to her or anything. There was no amount of advice she could give that would make him feel better about himself.

The walk from the station was only about ten minutes long. The two walked side by side, hands brushing ever so slightly and then rapidly pulling away. It was like they were school children. Suga’s hand tingled whenever it brushed against Ushijima’s and he finally distanced himself by the time they rounded the corner of Ushijima’s street.

Once they arrived the sound of a dog barking filled Suga’s ears as they approached the door. He immediately froze up, petrified, not wanting to journey further into the lot. He had unpleasant experiences with big dogs. Ushijima seemed to sense this and placed a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place. He walked up to the house first and Suga could see him knocking on the door. When it opened, a woman who was about a half a foot shorter than him appeared, holding back the dog. Suga could see it was a German Shephard.

Suga couldn’t hear the conversation but Ushijima’s mother slowly disappeared as did the dog. Ushijima then beckoned Suga closer, still not having spoken a word to him. Suga hesitantly made his way towards him and the small, baby blue house. 

“We put the dog away.” Ushijima explained simply and the tension drained from Suga’s shoulders instantly. He followed Ushijima into the house, the heavy white door shutting behind him. The house wasn’t that large, more cozy than anything else. A single loveseat and matching arm chair were placed in front of a small tv set, a light green rug in between. All the walls were painted a light turquoise, giving the feel of the ocean. It definitely fit the style of an older couple rather than something modern.

“You must be Sugawara-kun.” A rough feminine voice came from his left and he slowly turned to meet it. Ushijima’s mother stood at about eye level with him, dark brown hair and same forest green eyes as her son’s. They bore a striking resemblance which made Suga wonder what Ushijima’s father looked like. Although, there were no pictures that Suga could see of a male figure in the house.

Suga made note of the fact that she had only bowed and had not offered her hand to shake. 

“Suga is fine. It’s a pleasure to meet you, um…”

“Moriko-san is fine.” She smiled softly. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’m alright for now, thank you.” Suga crossed his arms over his chest and looked around the house. It was modern, something Suga had not expected. He had anticipated a more traditional looking house, kind of like his own. But he found that it looked more American than Japanese.

“I made tea anyway.” Moriko’s voice floated back into the room and she gestured to the table where the tea had already been poured and was waiting for him and Ushijima.

“Thank you mother.” Ushijima said softly and Moriko waved her hand dismissively at her son. They all took a seat and Moriko smiled warmly at Suga.

“So, Suga-kun, I know my son brought you here to talk to me but you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable with.” Moriko explained and stirred milk into her tea. Suga swallowed and only nodded.

“He may not look like it, but my son has a big mouth and let me in on your situation.” Moriko nudged Ushijima, who blushed and tried to hide himself in his tea. “You and I have a lot more in common than you may think.”

“I’m not following.” Suga answered. He kept his eyes on Ushijima and Ushijima was the one avoiding eye contact now. He supposed he couldn’t be angry at the man for telling his mother that he had been abused; that was probably the reason they were here today.

Moriko chuckled softly and sipped her tea, looking out the window. “I’m a divorced woman. Unusual here in Japan, I know. My ex-husband wasn’t always the most kind to me and he certainly wasn’t kind to Wakatoshi.” Moriko reached over and squeezed Ushijima’s arm affectionately. “He used to beat me in front of Wakatoshi.” Suga’s eyes widened. He felt like this was too intimate for him to hear, especially since he and Ushijima weren’t close at all. He barely knew the man. “He would call me degrading names, names your should never call a woman or anybody. I just took it because I felt as if I couldn’t escape from him. It was hard when he was the main provider for the family and he was threatening me with alleged child abuse and domestic abuse, even though it was all him.”

Suga bit his lip. He didn’t know what to say. Was it even his place to say anything? He had met this woman only five minutes ago and here she was bearing her soul to somebody her son trusted.

“I finally drew the line when he laid a hand on Wakatoshi. He had… really beaten me hard that day because I broke one of his favorite glasses. Wakatoshi stood up for me and the next thing I knew my son was on the floor clutching his cheek in shock. He didn’t even cry.” Moriko pat Ushijima’s hand and sighed. “When he left the room I immediately called the police. I’m surprised it went as smoothly as it did.”

“Where is he now?” Suga cupped the porcelain cup in front of him.

Moriko exhaled. “He’s serving jail time. Still. I filed for divorce as well as domestic abuse charges, both for me and child abuse. The case lasted two years but there was enough evidence on me and Wakatoshi that they kept him locked up during the case. I haven’t seen him since that last court date.” 

Suga swallowed. He had thought he’d seen Daishou the other day. He had never pressed charges, something that he was starting to regret. Would he feel more secure like Moriko-san if he had put Daishou away?

“I… I never…” Suga looked away.

“It’s okay.” Moriko sounded as if she were smiling. When Suga looked, she was. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Suga looked down. “I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

“And I’m sorry that you’re caught up in the same kind of mess I was. Nobody deserves to be put through that.” 

Suga nodded and took a sip of tea. He wanted to say something, wanted to tell his story but every time he tried the words wouldn’t come out. It was a good thing Moriko was talkative and understood that she needed to give Suga time. She didn’t even seem to mind that he wasn’t even sharing his own story; she just kept telling embarrassing stories about Ushijima. It seemed as if she was trying to get Suga to smile at least once.

She was one of the only people that had actually succeeded as well.

“You can only imagine my horror when my eight year old son comes up to me one day after school and asks what masturbation is.” Moriko snorted in laughter while Ushijma’s entire face was red. There was no hiding it.

Suga let out a little chuckle and he felt his lips quirk up ever so slightly.

“Ah, Suga-kun, you should smile more.” Moriko grinned at him. “It feels so much better when you smile. It lets people know that you’re stronger than what your abuser made you out to be.”

Suga trailed his fingers over his lips, feeling where he was still smiling. He had been coming closer and closer to this moment since he met Ushijima and he was happy to share it with him. Ushijima was staring at him with wide eyes, blush still coating his cheeks.

“You’re right.” Suga whispered and licked his drying lips, taking a shaking sip of his tea. “He hurt me so much that I forgot how to smile.”

Moriko gave him a sympathetic look and it urged Suga to continue talking.

“I was with him for three years and it was really great at first, just like all relationships are…” Suga laid his head in his hand and sighed, looking down at the murky color of his tea. “I don’t really know what happened other than one day he slapped me across the face and then didn’t stop after that.”

Suga refused to meet their eyes. “It’s really hard being with somebody who tells you they love you as their bringing their fist down on you or kicking you or….” Suga couldn’t bring himself to voice his sexual abuse as well. “I wasn’t allowed to be a person really. I couldn’t leave the apartment without permission which meant I couldn’t get a job or support myself. He took care of me or so he made me believe.”

“It sounds like it was more of a prison sentence than anything else.” Moriko said gently.

Suga let out a laugh through his nose. “It really was. He controlled who I talked to so much that I lost all my friends and my parents. Ushijima made it possible for me to reconnect with my best friend from highschool, even if I wasn’t that appreciative.” He gave Ushijima a solemn look but the volleyball player held a hand up in a way to say it was okay.

“I endured it for three years but… he…” Suga looked down, eyes watering. This was the first time he had been really open about it but now the words just wouldn’t come out. 

“When he put his hands around my throat it was the last straw. I didn’t want to die at the hands of this man. Literally.” Suga wiped his eyes. “I didn’t think when he found me after I escaped that I was going to make it out alive but U-Ushijima found me.” His voice cracked a little bit as he looked straight at Ushijima.

“I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for your son. And he’s continued to help me, even with bringing me here to meet you and having you share your own story. I… I don’t feel so alone anymore.” Suga placed his head in his hands and started sobbing, shoulders shuddering with the intensity of it. All the emotions and feelings that he held in, all the words that he hadn’t spoken to anybody, they all flooded out in the form of tears. Moriko pushed her seat back and rounded the table, wrapping her arms around Suga.

“It’s okay.” She said soothingly. This is something his own mother should have done but he hadn’t had the courage to talk to her about it. Here Suga was talking to a complete stranger about his life. But for some reason, Ushijima’s mother felt like home when she wrapped her arms around him. Maybe it was the comfort of having somebody who understood his experiences, or just the comfort itself. Suga didn’t know but he he felt much better as he wrapped his arms around her to return the hug.

Suga wheezed a little bit, trying to catch his breath. Moriko smoothed her hands over his head and helped him quiet down. When Suga pulled back from her shoulder she wiped his tears and gave him a kind smile.

“Do you need anything sweetheart?”

Suga sniffled. “Can I use your bathroom?”

Moriko laughed and helped him stand, pointing in the direction of the bathroom. “Let me know if you want or need anything else.” She said as he was walking away and all Suga could do was nod. He locked himself in the bathroom and then slid down the door, pulling his knees to his chest. He was still crying, head starting to pound from the intensity of his sobs.

Suga couldn’t believe that he had actually spoken about all the awful things Daishou had done. He hadn’t been that open and honest since… Well, since he had been forced to in front of the police when they had arrested Daishou in the first place. Ever since he had bottled it all up, vowing to never speak of it again. He hated pulling up those memories; they replayed over and over again in his mind but speaking them aloud made them even more real.

Ushijima’s mother, however, gave him the power to take those memories and better himself. Never again would he let somebody hold so much power over him. He didn’t know if it was too late to press charges on Daishou or not, but the first step would be to lock Daishou up. Suga had sworn he had heard Daishou at that fair and it would put him at ease to know the man was behind bars.

Taking a deep breath, Suga stood and turned the sink on, splashing his face with cold water. His face was blotchy from crying so hard and there was still snot dripping from his nose. But, he no longer saw the Suga that Daishou had looked at. No more was the scared, compliant young adult. Suga was a new man now. Sure, this was only a small step to get better but after loosening his tongue Suga felt confident that he could talk about this to anybody.

He would start with his parents. Then he would get a lawyer and do everything he could to put Daishou in jail where he belonged.

The reflection staring back at him told him he could do it. Suga was starting to believe in himself too.

Wiping his face and hands on the towel, Suga stepped out of the bathroom. He quietly made his way back to the dining room where Ushijima and his mother were talking. His name falling from Ushijima’s lips made him stop and listen.

“I have never seen Suga speak so much.” Ushijima explained to his mother.

Moriko laughed a little. “I’m really proud of you Wakatoshi, helping that boy.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you like him, Wakatoshi?”

“Well, of course I do.”

There was a pause and Suga held his breath. “That’s not what I meant.”

Another pause. Suga could hear Ushijima inhale from where he was standing around the corner and out of sight. “I…”

“I think you’d be good for him. He needs to be shown what a loving relationship is like and I know you could give it to him.”

There was rustling and Suga’s heart was about to beat out of his chest. He thought Ushijima was coming closer, could see his shadow shifting on the wall but he stopped. 

“I do not want to force him into anything he does not want to do.”

“Sometimes people need to be pushed.” The sink started running. “I think he would be open to it. He kept his eyes on you the entire time he was speaking.”

“That doesn’t mean-”

“Wakatoshi.” Moriko’s shadow was coming closer now too and Suga was worried he had been caught. “That boy needs somebody like you. I can tell how much you care for him. Show him what love can be like.”

“I… I will.”

Suga finally let go of the breath he had been choking over and he stared at his shoes with big eyes. Ushijima liked him? It should’ve been obvious, asking him to go to the fair and then coming to meet his mother. Meeting your significant other’s parents was something you did when you were completely serious about them.

Did Ushijima bring him here for another reason other than to help him.

Suga stood there trying to collect his thoughts for a moment before making his appearance in the kitchen. The conversation was over by then.

“Thank you for allowing me to speak.” Suga mumbled softly. 

Moriko smiled. “You’re very welcome dear. I’m about to make lunch, would you like anything special?”

“Oh, no thank you. Do you need any help?”

“Wakatoshi, why can’t you be as kind as Suga-kun here?” Moriko teased and both men blushed. The two of them ended up helping Moriko make lunch and it was almost too domestic for Suga’s liking. He enjoyed it, surprisingly.

By the time they left to catch the train, Suga was feeling more confident than he had coming in to the home. They were silent as they walked to the train station but it was no longer awkward as it had been that morning. It was peaceful.

Suga sat next to Ushijima this time. There was still a considerable amount of space between them but at least they weren’t on opposite sides of the car.

Suga glanced at Ushijima out of the corner of his eye. The man was sitting ramrod straight and he seemed lost in thought as he gazed out the window with fists curled in his lap.

“Ushijima?” Suga asked quietly.

“Hm?’ Ushijima looked down at him and Suga held his gaze for a moment before looking at his lap.

“Did you mean what you said? To your mother?”

Confusion washed over Ushijima and Suga knew the moment he realized what Suga was talking about because he sat up even straighter. His shoulders grew stiff and his expression was nervous. 

“I…”

“It’s okay.” Suga mumbled.

“Yes, I did. I… I would like to show you what a real relationship can be like.”

“Okay.” Suga reached over and curled his pinky around Ushijima’s. The day had been long and all Suga wanted to do was go to sleep. At least it wouldn’t be filled with nightmares this time.


	9. you and i in unison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fastest I've ever gotten another chapter out since the last one. I guess it's me trying to make up for the long wait. I don't know how many more chapters this will have, we'll see after next chapter! I didn't read this one over so if you spot any mistakes let me know!

Dating Ushijima was surprisingly… calm. Suga hadn’t known what to expect as his last relationship was littered in black and blues, in hands around his throat and across his face. But Ushijima was the ice pressed against those wounds that were still open, slowly closing but open nonetheless.

It wasn’t easy. As Suga continued on his journey in opening up to those close to him, namely his parents and then Daichi, he started shutting down again. The weight of the memories of abuse made him want to collapse. It was almost always too painful and some night Suga would bury himself under the covers and scream into his pillow. His own tears would soak through the material until he slept in a puddle of his own tears. 

Ushijima was helping him heal, however. With the ice, with gentle words, with pinkies wrapped around each other guiding Suga to peace. Their first trip was too the ocean, miles and miles away from where they resided. Ushijima questioned over and over again if it was going to be too much but the ocean was the one place that didn’t plague Suga’s mine with tearful memories.

As Suga’s toes touched the sand, he instantly felt at ease. There was something about the misty breeze hitting his cheeks that made his shoulders release everything they had been holding on top of them. 

“You look happy.” Ushijima said beside him.

“Yeah.” Suga didn’t know any other way to respond. He left Ushijima standing there to dip his toes into the water. It was cold but it felt good. Suga wanted to dive in, let the tide wash over him and take every bruise that Daishou had left in his mind. When he looked out at the horizon, his mind was blank save for those memories.

He stripped himself down to boxers even though it was too cold to go in.

“Suga!” Ushijima called but Suga didn’t hear him. The water rushed in his ears as he splashed in, ducking his head under. There was nothing but salt water surrounding him, pouring into him. He gasped for air as he emerged. It was ice cold. 

Ushijima was at the edge of the shoreline, eyes wide even from where Suga floated. He was numb. He felt awful for ruining the date but the water had compelled him. Eventually he waded back to shore with thin arms wrapped around himself, letting Ushijima hug him just this once.

“It is too cold for that.” The taller man whispered. 

“I’m sorry.” Suga gasped.

But there was an ever so slight smile on Ushijima’s lips as he gazed upon his face. “As long as you are happy.”

And a smile cracked onto Suga’s face too. It was coming more naturally now, without reluctance. It no longer hurt. 

Suga shivered as he wrapped his arms tighter around himself. Ushijima squeezed out the icy water from his hair. “Here.” Ushijima took his sweater off and tugged it over Suga’s head. It was comically large on Suga even though he wasn’t that much shorter than him. Suga couldn’t help but blush.

“Th-Thank you.” His teeth chattered together and he exhaled, knees buckling. Ushijima helped him get his pants on and then they walked back to the car Ushijima borrowed from his mother. Their pinkies were linked but Suga hovered closer for warmth. Ushijima blasted the heat in the car for maximum comfort as they drove away from the ocean to get food. They stopped at some McDonald’s on the way back home.

It had been a long time since Suga had fast food. His mother liked to cook everything organic and Suga was always forced to cook Daishou home meals. Neither liked putting all this shit into their body. Suga loved it; it reminded him of college before thing got terrible.

Their second date wasn’t as disastrous as the first one, although Ushijima wouldn’t have called the first one a disaster at all. Coincidentally, Ushijima cooked for him and then they watched a movie afterwards.

“I didn’t know you were such a chef.” Suga mused as he sidled up to Ushijima chopping chives.

Ushijima hummed. “The best thing about a relationship is that you get to learn about the person you are with.”

Suga smiled for only a moment before it faded. That was supposed to be a good thing but the only thing he had learned about in his last relationship was the difference between a backhand and an uppercut. There was nothing lovely involved in that. Suga hated the deception that came with relationships. Why was he even bothering with this one?

Miraculously, Ushijima seemed to sense his panic. He repeated what he had said to his mother weeks ago when he first took Suga to that small baby blue house. “Let me show you what a real relationship can be like.”

And Suga responded in like. “Okay.” 

They eat mostly in silence but it’s comfortable. Suga praises Ushijima’s cooking skills. His food really is good; very flavorful in a savory kind of way. Suga just wants more and more and more. Sure, he likes to cook too but it’s nothing like this. At least not in his eyes. 

They watch some awful romantic comedy that neither of them are really enjoying. It’s mostly a reason for Suga to stay. Suga hates going back to his parents house because he feels corralled there. After learning the truth of his relationship with Daishou, his mother kept him on a very tight leash. When he had expressed that he was seeing somebody she had flipped out and disagreed completely. Now, they weren’t speaking.

Suga didn’t really care. He wasn’t a little kid anymore. He was an adult and he could make decision for himself, even if they weren’t always the best decisions for himself. Ushijima seemed like the right path though.

“Do you think you will press charges soon?” Ushijima broke the silence. The movie was just background noise at that point.

Suga sagged against the cushion. This time, it was Ushijima that was ruining the mood of the date.

“I dunno.”

“Suga.” Ushijma looked at him. “I can help you. If you’d let me.”

“How? You know he probably won’t even get convicted. Nobody believes the victim.” Suga mumbled. 

“I will testify as many times as you need me to. Kuroo and Bokuto too. Even Oikawa.”

Suga side-eyed him. He had no doubt that the four of them would help him out. But it had been months since that fateful night that led him to Ushijima. It was probably too late now.

“Sawamura-san is a lawyer now. He can help you.”

“He is?” Suga whispered. He still didn’t know his best friend very well. He was only slowly getting back into communication.

“Yes.” Ushijima looked at him and Suga found concern in warm green eyes. “We all would like to help you get the closure you deserve. Especially myself.”

Suga’s bottom lip wobbled. After having nobody but Daishou for so long, it was almost unbelievable that somebody actually cared for him. More than one person even. He didn’t really know what to say other than to take a deep breath and scoot closer to Ushijima, laying his head on a broad shoulder. This was the closest the two had been to date, other than at the beach in the brief hug for body heat. That was strictly for the warmth; this was for the comfort.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Suga choked back tears. A hesitant arm wrapped around his shoulders and rubbed at his arm. Suga leaned into the touch. This was… nice. For the remainder of the night they stayed wrapped in the others arms, no mention of Daishou falling from either of their lips anymore.

Suga hadn’t been held so gently in years. He always enjoyed the cuddling aspect of a relationship, the soft kisses placed on top of his head too. Daishou had been like that in the beginning, soft. But that faded with the backhand on his cheek. Suga touched his cheek, the sting still present in his mind even though it had been months since it had happened.

Suga hoped that he could finally find some peace once he pressed charges. He didn’t want to live in fear any longer. He didn’t want to be wary of his surroundings whenever he went somewhere public, whether it be with Ushijima or his mother or whoever. He wanted to be  _ normal _ . But it wasn’t normal to be a victim of abuse. Nobody should find that normal.

A day after Suga was questioned by Ushijima, Suga contacted Daichi asking if he could represent him in court. Daichi of course said yes. He wanted justice to be brought to his best friend. He was a firm believer that everybody deserved a happy ending. The two of them worked together as well as with Tendou, the officer that had helped Suga that night, in order to file a domestic abuse lawsuit.

When everything was put in order and submitted, Suga thought he was going to collapse. 

“You’re doing the right thing.” Daichi explained, pulling Suga in for a stiff and awkward hug. Suga didn’t return it. He was feeling faint and gripped onto Daichi’s arms to steady himself. “What’s wrong?”

“What if we lose?” Suga whispered as Daichi guided him to the car.

“You’re not going to.” Daichi said firmly that it almost made Suga shut his mouth. Almost.

“He could get away with it though. It’s been months and we were together for three years, Daichi. They’re going to ask why I didn’t press charges sooner and why I stayed with him if I was just being hurt over and over again.”

Daichi sighed and stopped walking to look Suga in the eye. “If and when they ask those questions, you’re going to tell them that you were scared. You were too scared to leave because if he found you it was plausible that he would kill you. But they have no reason not to believe you, okay? We have visual evidence from the police and the doctors. You have witnesses, four of them who are more than willing to help you out. Have some faith.”

Suga sucked a deep breath into his lungs. Daichi was right. Not that Suga liked listening to Daichi.

“How long does it take to hear back from the court?”

“It depends.” Daichi opened the door for Suga before getting into the driver’s seat. “He’s obviously not in jail currently which means they would have to locate him in order to send the documents to him. Then he would have to accept the claims and get a lawyer. It could take weeks.”

Suga exhaled and rubbed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have even bothered.”

Daichi glanced at him. “Don’t say that.” 

Suga looked out the window, really not wanting to talk any longer. The drive back to his house was silent and when he bypassed his mother he didn’t say a word. The two hadn’t really spoken and he knew it was killing her inside but he didn’t care. He didn’t need anybody’s pity but his own. 

It took a month for the court to give him a date for the case. In that month Suga spent almost all of his time with Ushijima and his team. He would go to the practices and watch the team goof around with each other, not getting anything productive done. His smile came out more and more watching them all.

Ushijima asked him if he wanted to come to an away game but knowing that Daishou was an avid fan and would most likely either be there or be watching, Suga declined. He was happy to get the highlights when the guys got back to town.

The afternoon when Suga got the news he was about to head over to Ushijima’s house. Ushijima had gotten out of practice early that day and they were going to garden at his mother’s house. His boyfriend claimed that it would be calming and Suga liked the idea of getting a little dirty. He never gardened anymore.

But as Suga stared down at the envelope in his hand he suddenly felt very sick. He didn’t know what to do other than open it. With trembling hands he ripped the letter open and read the contents, eyes widening.

Another month. He had to wait another month to find out his and Daishou’s fates. He collapsed against the closed door behind him. Suga was once again starting to regret all of this. The wait was almost worse than the abuse.

Suga texted Daichi the news and they set a day to plan everything out and enlisted the help of Ushijima, Kuroo, Bokuto and Oikawa. Then Suga set off to Ushijima’s as if it were any other day.


	10. new storms for old lovers

Suga took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was dressed in a sleek gray suit, ready for the arraignment that morning. He was extremely nervous, not knowing what to expect. Thankfully, he had strong people to support him there and he was hoping things would go over smoothly. 

He placed cool hands on flushed cheeks as he stared at himself in the mirror. The longer Suga stared at himself the more warped his vision became. The panic bubbled in his chest and threatened to spill over; he didn’t think he could see Daishou in person if this was how he was acting just at the thought of his abuser.

“Koushi.” A soft knock followed the voice of his mother and Suga saw her open the door to poke her head in. She was dressed in a plain rose colored shirt as well as floral printed skirt. “Daichi and Wakatoshi are here.”

Suga swallowed and only nodded, not trusting the bile rising in his throat. He was sure if he parted his lips all his worries and the contents of his stomach would end up on the floor. That would be a mess and a half and he didn’t really have the time for that. Or another suit.

Suga followed his mother downstairs and saw Ushijima and Daichi sitting side by side on the couch. Daichi was showing Ushijima some of the paper work that seemed perplexing to the taller man and Suga was put at ease slightly. The two looked up at him in unison.

“How are you feeling?” Ushijima stood and walked over to him. 

Suga licked his lips. “I’m… okay.” He swallowed more air to calm himself down. Ushijima squeezed his shoulder affectionately and Suga leaned a bit into the touch. 

The past month once again had been lovely. Ushijima never pushed him to do anything and the most that they ever did was cuddle on the couch and hug. They hadn’t kissed or anything like that. They had just started holding hands fully as well and Suga was coming to yearn Ushijima’s warm touch. He loved the feeling of Ushijima’s strong hands in his own and sometimes he found himself pondering Ushijima’s hands on other places on him.

But then his mind would flip the switch and the thought would make him nauseous, Daishou’s face swimming into view right after. Suga didn’t think he would ever be able to be intimate with somebody again, not after all the horrible things Daishou had done to him.

“Ready?” Daichi asked from beside them and Suga could only nod again, the four of them going outside. Suga was carpooling with Daichi and Ushijma while his mother was going to meet them at the courthouse. Suga’s father wasn’t in town or else he would have definitely been there. Suga was happy that he had so many people supporting him though and he probably couldn’t have done it without them. Kuroo, Oikawa and Bokuto would also be there as support and as more witnesses if the judge needed them.

The car ride was tense, Suga sitting in the front seat beside Daichi as Ushijima sat behind him. He could feel Ushijima watching him for the entire car ride and it unnerved him almost but he knew his boyfriend was just looking for signs of distress. Suga was good at hiding his true emotions, keeping them off his face just as he had practiced with Daishou. He always had to hide everything from Daishou.

If he had shown an ounce of pain or contempt that would have gotten him a backhand.

Suga winced as he thought of the slap of Daishou’s palm on his cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered he would have to relive everything in only a short while.

When they arrived Suga all but tumbled out of the car and Ushijima reached out a hand to steady him, silently asking if he was okay again. Suga never met olive green eyes, instead keeping his eyes trained on the asphalt beneath his feet. A comforting hand on Suga’s lower back steered him into the courthouse, making sure he didn’t trip over his own two feet and face plant into the ground.

“Don’t forget to breathe.” Daichi coached as they sat, waiting to be called in. “And keep your head down in case Daishou walks past, okay?”

Suga nodded and twiddled his thumbs in his lap. His stomach churned and he took a swig of the water bottle that his mother had passed to him. Anxiety flooded him and all Suga wanted to do was run, run far away from this courthouse and this life. He scratched his arm, a habit that only emerged with his last nerve.

“Koushi.” His mother crouched in front of him, grabbing his hands. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Suga’s bottom lip trembled and he nodded. He could believe that.

That is, until he stole a glance upwards and met dark eyes belonging to no one other than Daishou Suguru. The man was smirking at him and Suga’s eyes widened as they held a gaze for a long pause before Daishou turned, sticking his hands into the pockets of his suit jacket and walking away. His lawyer followed, not sparing a glance in Suga’s direction.

“I need to - bathroom.” Suga stood abruptly and rushed off before anybody could protest. Suga rushed into the bathroom and slammed the stall behind him, placing his back on it. He closed his eyes and willed his body to stop violently shaking.

Daishou was so close. He was here and he wasn’t in jail and Suga didn’t know how to handle it. Seeing the cruel look in his eye as he smirked had made Suga’s skin crawl and he recalled how Daishou made the same faces as he fucked into Suga. He remembered the vile things he would whisper to him as he tied Suga to the bed, whipping his skin with toys. He remembered the feeling of skin breaking and blood bubbling up, bruises aching the next day. Suga remembered it all just from one look.

Suga pressed the back of his hands to his lips and sucked in a deep breath through clenched teeth. He couldn’t listen to this when they stepped into the courtroom. But he needed the closure, he really did. He needed to know that the law saw Daishou’s actions as unjust. He needed to believe it himself.

Suga took a little bit more time to himself and then slowly unlocked the door, making his way out of the stall.

He would’ve had an easy passage if he hadn’t walked right into another body clad in a familiar green suit.

“No…” Suga whispered and once again was met with cold green eyes. He hadn’t even heard Daishou come in and now here he was being faced by him. 

“You’ve really fucked up this time, Koushi.” Daishou sneered with a chilling grin on his face. “Nobody’s going to believe you so you should probably just lie.”

Suga wanted to reach into his back pocket for his phone to record what Daishou was saying. This was perfectly incriminating.and Suga had no way of proving this interaction.

“Please move.” Suga whispered, feeling small.

Daishou raised his eyebrows. “Feeling brave now, huff?”

Suga went to move around him but Daishou grabbed his wrist, twisting. Suga whimpered as he felt the pull of his flesh. “S-Stop, please!”

“You can scream all you want, nobody will believe you. Just like nobody is going to believe you in there when you lie in front of all those people...” Daishou cackled but was stopped short by a throat clearing from the door. Both heads snapped over to see Ushijima standing there, phone in hand, recording everything that was happening.

“I suggest you remove your hand.” Ushijma demanded darkly and Daishou’s touch was instantly gone from Suga’s wrist. Suga cradled it in his other hand and rushed to stand near Ushijima.

“Delete that.” Daishou breathed.

Ushijima stared at him. “No. Let’s go, Suga.” He murmured to the pale blonde and stopped recording, immediately sending the video to Daichi before leading Suga out of the bathroom.

“I’m sorry.” Suga whimpered again.

“It is not your fault. We have been called in.” Ushijima said softly and steered Suga into the courtroom where Daichi was already seated at the designated table. Suga took a seat while Ushijima passed Daichi the phone, whispering something to him as he did so. Daichi’s eyebrows shot up and he watched the video that Ushijima had advised him to do and his eyes lit up. Suga hoped it was a good sign and he tucked his hands into his lap, trying to ignore the throbbing in his wrist from when Daishou had roughly grabbed him. He tried to ignore Daishou’s presence at the table beside his, the other man throwing daggers at him whenever he thought Suga wasn’t looking.

It surely wasn’t helping.

The judge came in and everybody was ordered to stand before taking a seat once more. The judge explained that Suga was suing Daishou for domestic abuse charges and Daishou was pleading not guilty. Then, Daichi was advised to describe the case to the judge and everybody in the audience.

“My client here was in an abusive relationship for three years, your honor.” Daichi explained, adjusting the lapels on his suit jacket. “He was beaten for doing menial tasks wrong, he was beaten for looking at Mr. Suguru wrong, he was littered with bruises and scrapes and rope burns from when Mr. Suguru would tie Mr. Sugawara here to the bed and rape him. You all may ask why didn’t Mr. Sugawara here just leave, or call the police? Well the answer is quite simple: he was instilled with fear that he would  _ die  _ if he did either of those two things.

“There is photographic evidence of these bruises and marks caused by Mr. Suguru from one particular night when Mr. Sugawara attempted escape.” Daichi grabbed a file that he had obtained from the police and handed it over to the bailiff. The bailiff brought it to the judge and the judge examined each photo of the bruises on Suga’s skin from the night he went to the motel and the first time Daishou choked him. The judge looked over at Suga before handing the photos back to the bailiff.

Daichi finished his statement and then it was Daishou’s lawyers turn. He was a stoic man named Sakusa Kiyoomi who spoke in a gravelly monotone. Suga’s leg bounced anxiously as Sakusa spouted some bullshit about Daishou not committing these egregious crimes that he is being accused of. He said that Daishou would never hurt somebody he loved, in which Daichi objected and said that he has new evidence from right before the trial that would counteract that statement. Normally it would be overridden but the judge asked for the evidence.

Daichi turned the volume up all the way as he pulled up the video. It blared through the entirety of the courtroom. Everybody heard what Daishou had said to Suga in the bathroom.

“Who’s voice is this?” The judge questioned, referring to the third voice that belonged to Ushijima. 

“That is Ushijima Wakatoshi, ma’am.” Daichi said, gesturing to Ushijima sitting in the crowd. The judge called him to testify and he recounted both the bathroom incident and the incident in the hotel, taking questions from both Sakusa and Daichi. Bokuto, Kuroo and Oikawa also testified, repeating the same story to the judge.

Finally, Suga was able to tell the judge about his experience about Daishou, revealing facts that he hadn’t told anybody yet. He laid it all the table for the judge and the jury to determine if he was telling the truth. With the remarkable amount of evidence from the other testifiers he had no idea how he was going to lose this. Unintentionally his voice began to shake as he closed out his statement, wiping the tears from his eyes as he returned to his seat. Daishou spouted more bullshit and after two long grueling hours, they were dismissed, only to be called back a half hour later for the results.

The judge looked at the two parties before reading off a statement from the jurors. “The jury finds that Daishou Suguru is guilty in the domestic abuse, both physical and sexual, of Sugawara Koushi. Daishou Suguru will be subject to five years in prison, no bail. Court dismissed.”

Suga froze, mouth open. They… won? Daishou was going to jail? Suga sucked in a breath, the tears he had been holding back overflowing as he reached for Daichi, hugging him tightly.

“We did it.” Daichi whispered to him, patting his back. “You’re free, Suga.”

_ I’m free _ . Suga looked over Daichi’s shoulder to watch Daishou being led away in handcuffs, his heart clenching. He wasn’t sad or jealous but he was… happy. He was happier than he had been in a long time. He no longer had to worry about running into his abuser in daily life because Daishou would be in prison for five years with no chance of getting out early. It was almost too good to be true.

The air expelled Suga’s lungs as he stood and a genuine smile graced his face as his mother ran up to embrace him, squeezing her son with all her might. Bokuto, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Ushijima trailed behind, offering smiles of congratulations of their own. Suga wanted to get his hands on Ushijima, say thank you to all of them, but for now he continued hugging his mother.

“I’m so happy for you.” She whispered to him, trembling as she spoke. “How do you feel, Koushi?”

“I feel…” Suga looked down at the floor as they were all ushered from the room. How did he feel? “Elated.” He decided, another smile pulling at his lips. His cheeks hurt from how expressive he was. “I’m so grateful, mom.” More tears were shed and he wiped them away. Three strong hands clapped him on the back and he looked up into the faces of the national volleyball team.

“Thank you.” Suga whispered to them and they nodded in return, parting for him to make his way to Ushijima.

“I always thought your smile was wonderful.” Ushijima said to him, despite only seeing smile only once or twice prior.   
Suga let out an airy laugh and was going to respond but decided against it. Instead, he fisted his hands in the front of Ushijima’s suit and pulled him in for a kiss, their first kiss. Ushijima stilled and Suga could tell that he had no idea what to do with his hands so Suga tugged him closer, winding his arms around his neck. Ushijima finally placed his hands on Suga’s waist, returning his kiss with all the gentleness in the world.

Suga cradled one of Ushijima’s cheeks in his hand as he pulled away. “I… I’m really glad this happened today.”

Ushijima covered Suga’s hand with his own. “Me too, Suga.”

“Call me Koushi.” Suga whispered. “I think… I’m ready to really be with you.”

Ushijima’s eyebrows furrowed. “Were we not already together.”

Suga snickered and shook his head, only kissing Ushijima again. Everything was falling into place, the locks wrapped securely around his heart slowly falling away. Ushijima had broken the chains, slowly chipped away the metal until there was nothing holding Suga back. AS Ushijima’s lips descended against his, massaging slowly and softly, Suga thought he could definitely get used to this. 

And it would take time, but the black and blues surrounded his heart would slowly fade away as well, as Ushijima showed him what love was and what it could be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess this is the end? I have to say that this is not where I wanted it to end or even how I wanted it to end. But... I've lost all motivation to write this story and I really tried hard for a long time to write it and give it the attention it deserves because I don't think that this is something that is explored enough in fanfiction. I think that domestic violence needs to be talked about more and written about more, especially the effects it has on the victim. And I'm truly sorry that I couldn't explore that more.  
> But I did almost everything that I set out to achieve with this story and I think that's what matters.  
> Thank you so much to all of you who read, commented, gave kudos. This story has 255 kudos! For a rarepair, one such as UshiSuga, that's honestly incredible and all the comments I've gotten on this have made my day. So thank you, thank you, thank you.  
> Please follow me on [Tumblr](http://aizawa-shoutas.tumblr.com/) if you want to see more anime posts and see my future writing endeavors! Until next time, folks!


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